never alone.

we surround ourselves with lifeless faces.

personalities, they fall to the wayside,

almost as unimportant as the last words spoken.

it seems an impossible feat to get you alone.

we can be lonely, as long as we're not by ourselves,

because there's nothing worse than that.

but you could be my company,

as a matter of fact i'd love nothing more.

i could see your glow across the room,

& you're a light i can't ignore.

you see, i have that gift i guess,

call it a hidden ability,

but i mainly see in black and white,

only worthwhile colors present themselves to me.

and everyone has a color,

even if they cannot see,

only most of them appear as shades,

very few shine vibrantly.

but you, you are the brightest,

and you, you are a star,

and you, you could be the world for me,

if you just realized who you are.

i'm never alone, except in my head,

and that's where you play with me.

the last sunday of november.

you're never right where i want you,

& i think that's what keeps me hanging on.

but you speak so sweet and perfect,

it seems a sin to halt your precious song.

my fingers long for nothing more than to learn the patterns of your skin.

i've been procrastinating my life away,

and it's really starting to make a mess of things.

it just seems so impossible to do something so meaningless,

that i brush it off to the side,

and believe in my head

'i'll get to it later.'

but i never do.

i'm sick of avoiding things.

oh well,

here goes.

i'm sure there will be another update or two tonight,

seeing as how i will be up until the sun rises.

wonderful.

holding onto nothing.

tonight we decided to step back into reality,

in a warped sort of way.

coming back to new paltz,

reality. ha.

although,

it is better we're here now,

so tomorrow i don't have to worry about driving,

just work.

the past few days has made me realize a bunch of things,

so i guess it's good to take a step back from time to time.

i'm glad i have the friends that i do,

but more so, 

i'm glad that the close ones are who they are.

& i think that this weird feeling i have,

this sense that i can maybe fix people, or something,

i think it's best to try and let that subside with certain people.

i'm not a miracle worker,

and some people don't want to change.

and i am not the answer that they're looking for.

they're not looking for me.

but does that mean stop searching?

i need to learn to not try and mend what's not mine to fix.

i don't get people, i don't get life.

and you,

you're the most ridiculous person i've ever met.

and you won't let me go.

i don't understand this word-strung noose around my neck,

or why you keep pulling tighter and tighter.

but please, it's time to let go.

turkey & potatoes.

happy thanksgiving everybody!
today is a day to celebrate our forefathers stealthy aquisition of this
country,
and the death of turkeys nationwide.

hope everyone's okay after last night,
aka thanksgiving eve,
aka the night of the single most fatalities resulting from (a) drunk
driver/driving.

tonight should be relatively low-key
beers with the boys,
celebrating this great nation.
ya know.

but truly, I wish everyone the happiest and healtiest of thanksgivings,
and I promise more good updates are coming very, very soon.

back in the bed, back where it all started.

so hit me up again when,

you're back on the island and

maybe we can meet up for some coffee

or another conversation.

hit me up again when,

you come back around and

maybe we can do all those things,

we'd always wished we'd done.

being back home again is nice.

it's a good feeling sleeping in this bed again,

the one i grew up in.

and this room.

these walls hold a decade of memories

i couldn't possibly forget,

but it feels good to be reminded.

i hope this feeling stays.

ash to ashes

dust to dust,

what in the world is becoming of us?

i can't recall what's on my mind.

homeward bound

i'm going home in about an hr.

i haven't begun to pack,

i haven't even really gotten out of bed yet.

oh well,

time to get movin'.

this should be a good vacation.

in my nice house,

stacked with food, i'm sure.

i'm so pumped.

i've missed you, long island.

sleep depravity has taken over.

so ill consider this a metaphor,

for another thing i can't afford.

brush you off as 'just another whore',

just one more that i'll have to ignore.

one more song,

one more word,

i bet you can't tell me anything

i've never heard.

one more time,

one more chance,

to let this pan out,

to create new romance.

you're the kind of beautiful

that i could wake up to every morning for the rest of my life.

i love how this post transcends.

i don't even know what i'm writing anymore.

all work and no play makes jon a dull boy.

all life and no sleep makes jon freakin' insane.

time to get some rest.

a mess of rants & rambles.

I’m tired, but I seriously doubt I can sleep. I have this terrible knack for waiting till the last minute to do everything. So tonight, in panic mode (after having the single worst hungover sunday of my life, in and out of bed exclusively to vomit until 5 p.m.) I popped a few study buddies only to find that the project is not due until next Monday. Luckily, I have a good sense of learning from my mistakes, because instead of working on the project tonight and at least getting a good start on it, I chose to not work on it at all and catch up on the new Californication. And although my centermost desire in this lifetime is to be like Hank Moody when I grow up and I can not contain seeing what types of shenanigans he’ll get into next, I spend another night completely unproductive. I am my own worst enemy. I’m a goddamned time bomb. This habit list I’m forming is quite possibly going to be the end of me. And yet I guess I think I’m doing everything right. Most of it seems to be working. Although, contrary to what my mom always told me, I don’t ever learn from the important mistakes. But my problem is I don’t know how to express to her that all I’m doing is trying not to let her down. I’m playing the game the best way I know how, and yeah, I’m having as much fun as possible. (I want to enjoy my life to the best of my ability) But all that I have here is open doors, and I know I keep knocking on the ones I’ve been at before, but I’m trying to grow up in a place where everything seems to be pushing me down. So I lift myself up and get high as a kite, and I chill with my friends and enjoy the flight, because all that I know is a series of motions that I cant stop. So I cope with myself and I hope for change, and pray someday this world will be re-arranged to a spot where we can all relax and enjoy life like it should be lived. And I lay with myself, on days where there’s nobody else, and ponder my existence, if only for an instance, because in reality, I don’t have a fucking clue as to what I’m doing.

and rock me like a child.

i woke up eight times today,

each time seemingly as painful as that prior.

it's funny the way the body works.

i didn't realize by way of repairing myself

i'd be left with such shitty repercussions. 

but i guess sometimes those re-energizing days

come at the most optimal times.

i threw a rope around the moon,

to hang a hammock,

for us to spoon,

and rock away amongst the stars,

and hold the earth,

as if it's ours.

the rest of existence is playing a part,

and thats what i'm scared to succumb to.

i don't want to be in a box,

i want to live without walls or ceilings.

infinite.

but i'm afraid that they won't let me.

if there's nothing more important than truth,

then why is everyone a liar?

if there's nothing more sacred than love,

then why are we all such whores?

the truth is that there's no meaning behind the rhythms anymore.

the truth is that whatever the fucked up nonsense is that goes on in your head,

it's all you're ever going to know.

we lost our purity back in grade school,

so we'll spend our lifetimes searching for the next big thing.

and if we make a couple bucks along the way,

then i guess we came out winners.

but, who really wins this game anyway?

from the tips of your fingers,

to the backs of your eyes,

i love every ounce of your being.

but i can't go any further

on this endless trail

of four word conversations

& missed phone calls.

i love you but you're hours too late.

a recent retrospective.

last night i overslept my boundaries,

woke up behind enemy lines.

this morning this body pumped new blood.

if it seems to be the way of the world,

who am i to complain?

tonight we're burning all our bridges.

theres fire in your eyes when you wake in the morning.

burning with passion, desire.

cold-blooded emotions,

animalistic.

this hung-over thought process

burns images into my head

exciting the beast,

and he's breathing 'alive or dead'.

disconcerting my mind,

maybe this will drift off with time.

i'm holding close all i hold dear, hoping i'll find a map from here.

i may not always get the words quite right,

as a matter of fact,

i've been known to stumble my lines.

but the point is there,

and the message's clear.

always and forever,

but never again.

it feels worse knowing

you didn't even care.

tonight the liquor is my best friend,

and the center of all my concerns.

and i'm getting way too woozy,

but my brain, it never learns.

please let's start this over,

rewind this evening.

i don't even know what to make of this.

you win and you lose,

and you lose,

and you lose.

but still always playin' on top.

sometimes it hurts to wear a smile.

sometimes it hurts just to be around you.

i'm disgusted with my cravings.

i'm becoming disgusted with myself.

why won't this all just go away?

after tonight,

i won't believe in you anymore.

start a new type.

so here we are,

and there you sit

as i carelessly fall into the hard drive

that runs this whole system.

i'm controlling the twitches in your toes,

pulling strings, touching things.

losing my mind

to the bright lights and colors

that you are.

please let's run this program just a little long tonight,

i can't stand to see you drift away.

it's true what they say,

no one ever said it was going to be easy.

well, no one ever told me it would be this fucking hard either.

these are no waters to swim in.

i finally understand,

maybe this is some sort of closure.

my fears remained in the shadows,

until i was ready to overcome them.

well this is now,

and here i stand.

face to face with the insecurities,

that have bound me from the start.

but i wont be restrained anymore.

if there is one thing that these years of anguish have taught me,

it is how to stay alive on a battlefield

ridden with mines and flying shards of metal.

i won't be scared away,

and i won't be humbled.

not anymore.

there's nothing more frightful

then stepping out on a limb,

but these fragile branches have become my home.

and trust them i will

because there's no greater thrill,

than dangling head first from a thread.

if you'd be the bullet,

i'd shoot out the bulb locked in the sun.

freezing over the landscape,

bonding us as one.

words of supreme wisdom.

clever,

ever so clever.

and your resemblence to the man is uncanny.

tell all that you're thinking,

you're the voice of reason.

& if your silent call goes unnoticed,

then they'll have nobody else to blame.

speak like the wind to the waves,

don't be afraid of the uproar.

you're better than that.

it's only so intriguing cause it's spilling from your lips.

blondiecakes.

i've been wearing my bright glasses,

trying to grab your attention,

and wondering if you'll figure 

you're the one that i mentioned.

are you hearing me now?

is my name in your head?

are you dreaming of me late night,

while you're laying in bed?

when you hear my voice,

does it make you weak?

and can you feel your body tremble,

when the two of us speak?

because you do it to me,

i feel it inside,

and to be honest this isn't the type of thing i could possibly hide.

so if you're feeling my beat,

and you're feeling the heat,

hit me up pretty baby,

i've been saving ya seat.

and i'll keep you here,

to chill right by me

& we could roll to the top of the world.

shivering nightfall.

you should come home tonight.

we can't leave this door open any longer,

the cold is penetrating my brain.

freezing my thoughts.

you would be beautiful if you ever stopped moving.

miscommunication.

so here i am.

it's been a long road but this cobblestone path has nearly ended.

the scrapes against my bare feet gently bleed,

careful not to lose too much.

i'm craving you, feeling unwanted.

looking for a hidden gesture in between the parts in your words.

are you giving me a sign?

is there a hint i'm not receiving?

operator,

your signal is static.

the last words for you that i will ever want to write.

my head paints a picture

of a bright yellow blanket,

wrapped around your head.

and the multi-colored swirls of christmas lights,

blinding the outside world.

my vision blurs as i fall into memory,

as i fall into 'how we used to be'.

well, we used to be nothing,

but i thought it was something.

i remember one time you asked me,

'wouldn't it be more fun to never know?'

and i told you that that novelty,

had worn off long ago.

and you sat and you smiled,

but you didn't say a word.

and i remember feeling 

absolutely absurd,

but i laughed & i smiled,

because thats what i do

when i don't know

just how to impress you.

well, we used to be nothing,

but i think that you're something.

(you're eyes used to be my favorite)

why do you change your face for your friends?

if they don't think you're a beauty,

why bother pretend?

the world doesn't know marvels like yours,

there's no reason to turn your lights down.

and even when you're not leaving,

i know you're not here to stay.

and even when you're right here, 

you feel so far away.

well, we used to be nothing,

but i thought you were something,

but the words will never leave these lips.

the rhythm i felt, 

the hand i was dealt,

well i guess you weren't feeling the beat.

my friends all say you're not the one,

you're fooling around, just having fun.

you act like this with all the guys,

you act like this, got roaming eyes.

i thought they were mine,

but you wear that pair for everyone.

well, we used to be nothing,

but i've thought you were something,

since the day that we met,

its you i can't forget.

you make me feel the butterflies,

except when you leave that feeling dies,

and i convince myself i've gone insane,

when i can't rid the thoughts of you from my brain.

because i know that light you hide inside,

& as a matter of fact it serves as my guide,

& shows me the way to a better place,

& illuminates the path that leads to your face.

that pair, your eyes,

i pray i'm all they see,

even though i know,

that won't possibly be.

(your eyes have always been my favorite)

when you're ready to stop running,

                                          i'll be waiting.

lazy days & endless evenings

i'm starting to feel more and more like a real person.

as weird as that sounds,

it's one of the more important things in my life right now.

crossing over into that

'i can handle this'-type of life.

feeling meaningful,

with things to do,

and life to live.

a duty to fulfill.

i'm enjoying being real.

haha.

a new week is beginning,

should be relatively relaxed.

i think they're predicting snow this week.

i can not wait.

snow trip time.

oh and so,

we just discovered we have an attic.

like, we always knew it was there,

but we just realized it was cool,

and that there was space.

there's this creepy little room up there too.

with a window,

and a painting,

and a door with a face painted on it.

i wonder how old it is.

it's one of those times where you wish

the walls could talk.

oh the story they'd tell.

i'm in the mood to do something tonight.

something that we haven't done in awhile.

maybe even something new.

just not a boring sunday night.

too much has happened,

and it's been too good a week for it to end on a bum note.

let's make something happen.

swirls of cool colors.

so today is friday

and i am exhausted from last night.

i'm watching old viva la bam episodes on MTV2,

but i haven't yet felt the need to get out of bed.

every other fucking commercial is for some new xbox 360 game,

and of course they all look so good,

especially since mine is broken.

i need to start saving my money.

i'm also getting really excited for the next few weeks.

next friday is our thanksgiving party.

that date should be final now,

it's been changed a bunch.

thanksgiving should be nice,

it'll be good to see the family.

then december should bring all sorts of good feeling.

the c9 dudes will be back in town,

then the week after is the powerline show at cabs.

then the holidays & my birthday.

i can't wait.

the winter approaches,

forcing the days from light to dim,

while the darkness encroaches,

and i feel the frost start moving in.

the spills of memories,

sends chills down my spine,

as i remember the days,

when i thought the time was all mine.

but growing older made a boy out of me,

changing my heartaches to new dates.

and my sadness to glee.

and i'll take your sad frown,

and turn your face upside down,

and help you remember what it is to be free.

so we'll wear big socks,

and an oversized shirt,

and stay undercover,

while the snow hides the dirt,

and i'll hold you this evening,

and tomorrow skip work,

and hold onto this feeling,

blocking demons that lurk.

& when the sun comes back,

will you think of me then?

and remember me fondly,

as more than a friend?

oh quotes.

"Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability."

                       – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

thats the quotation of the day on this thing.

i like that one,

it's very interesting...

i'll pack my shit and move out, i'm getting wasted.

sometimes i wish i kept in closer contact

with all of my friends from long island.

i mean, obviously i still speak on a semi-regular basis

to my best friends from back home,

but it's weird.

i have no idea how anyone ever tries to handle

long distance relationships,

it just seems impossible.

speaking of which,

thanksgiving is around the corner,

which means i'll be heading home very soon.

& i have bundles of things to do before i leave.

but i hope it's not awkward back at home,

i mean, it always is.

but i hope it's not that bad this time.

it's a short break,

shouldn't be too bad.

i want to go away,

to some exotic place.

a vacation for the restlessness.

a vacation for my mind.

i want to be where no one can find me,

unless i want to be found.

maybe i'll move to hawaii.

or australia,

or fiji.

yeah,

i'm adding that to the to-do list.

UPDATE, the info is in!

Prices & Time are set.

Dec 13th, 2008

Powerline Productions presents

Kids with Toys: the Open Bar Experience

@ Cabaloosa's in New Paltz

Live Bands & DJ's

Open Bar 11:30 p.m. - 1:30 a.m.

Open Bar $13

21+ w/o O.B. - $5

18+ - $6

helicopter.

today is going to be a day

of meetings and boring classes.

which frankly,

isn't all that exciting.

and its a wednesday,

which means there will probably be next to nothing going on tonight.

fantastic.

oh well,

i had fun last night,

and that's good enough for me.

...at least until tomorrow. haha.

i got a bunch of new music yesterday,

and i've been sifting through it since,

it's so good to finally have lots of new good stuff.

and a high-speed internet connection at home, finalllly.

i miss the beach.

and the summer time.

and the lack of responsibilities.

but i'm really excited for the winter.

i can't wait to get out on my board again,

and have some great weekends with some great friends,

in the cold, cold snow.

and it's definitely going to be a good christmas season,

my favorite time of the year.

i just hope to god i'm doing good enough in these classes,

and ending this semester on a good note.

alright,

that's it for now.

there should be more coming later.

the morning after never holds that glow.

so,

last night got a little,

infected

with andrew and emily.

with double-vision

and slurred words,

i'm sure the three of us were quite entertaining.

i miss them though.

last year we were all stuck in a room together,

all the time.

now, it's harder to hang out,

and time seems to be getting scarce,

but when it works its pure...

magic.

haha.

last night actualllllly

created a new love for 'bloc party' for me.

i'd always heard they were good,

and even heard a few tracks,

but never really got down to it.

well,

last night.

i got down to it.

and let me tell you.

it was nice. 

OH.

i'm going to take this moment

to promo our first 'Powerline Productions' breakout show.

It's going to be Saturday Dec 13th at Cabaloosa's.

and although we haven't released all the details yet,

you can rest assured we'll have the hottest DJ's & illest bands in the paltz,

to kick off this party right.

oh and,

bring your drinking shoes,

because there will be an open bar.

and this isn't the kind of event,

that you could afford to miss.

i'll see you fuckers there. :)

life corp.

people are skyscrapers.
their legs are thousands of stories,
painting over the skyline.
and their nerves run like elevators
through the walls that bind them
on the veins that keep them together.
and foundations are roots,
that were strapped to our boots,
that connect us to pipes and wire.
with transparent skin,
a marvel to those looking in,
but towers of prisons to the organs indoors.

this kind of day makes us unbearable.

it's gross outside today.

from the moment i woke up it's been dark and rainy.

i dont like that one bit.

i feel like today's one of those,

'relax and try not to do anything' kinda days.

i'm game.

i want to fall apart,

and scatter across the globe,

and lose myself in meaning,

and remember what i used to know.

oh that night.

she's a vixen,

and you could smell it the second you walked in.

that red dress hugs in all the right places,

accentuating the curves of a goddess.

she's got you locked and her eyes follow you across the room.

her body waiting patiently by the door

breathing carefully so you can feel it dance along the back of your neck.

her right strap slides off her perfect shoulder,

and she plays like she doesn't notice.

only one strap.

only one secret to keep.

you've seen her once or twice,

but she's a phantom to your senses.

and you've already been beaten.

you'll move closer,

and with a quick flutter of her lashes

she'll have you.

you light it for her,

like a gentleman.

but the way that she wraps her lips around the cigarette gets you spun.

you'll never forgive yourself for this one.

but you've been known to make a bad decision.

it's only a matter of time,

it's only a matter of time.

sloppy passion only lasts until the sun's up.

unforgivable,

unforgettable.

on the eve of new beginnings.

it's 4:50 on a friday.

classes and all obligations are completed for the week.

went grocery shopping earlier,

so the house is stocked.

time to go grab some beers,

and bring on the weekend.

oh and also.

i want to take this time to say,

if anyone is actually reading this,

leave me a comment!

i dont care what it is,

i just like to hear from you.

so, yeah.

:)

i'm pumped for this weekend.

it should be a breeze.

and especially considering certain things

are out of my hair for the time being

this should be a good spot to let loose.

count it.

the long chinese staircase back to reality.

last night was Red Bull's Barmaster

@ Darby O'Gill's in poughkeepsie.

keith, the sbm from marist,

set the whole thing up fraternity tournament bracket style.

it turned out pretty dope,

would've liked to see more heads

but we would always like more people,

nothings ever at our standards. haha.

but there was cheap beer and good people,

so you know it was a good time.

anyway,

i stayed over at their house across the river,

and i just got home,

and i'm channel surfing,

and i have to say,

i had no idea how many onDemand channels i had!

i guess thats all i really needed to say about that.

you and me are drifting,

the wind's picked up

and the string on my kite

is getting longer,

gusting you farther and farther away.

i miss those times when you were still in your shiny silver packaging,

so fresh and new.

untouched.

but now that wrappers lies on the floor,

and the locks bolted shut to my door,

and you rarely even

call anymore.

i've forgotten those feelings,

i felt so strongly before.

but i'm not giving up,

ill wait for your body to cut

back through the clouds.

and when mother nature settles,

and the last leave hits the ground,

ill look to the trees to find my love,

when you start missing having me around.

new one, rough & on the spot.

hope you like it.

more to come later.

i'm missing you, blue eyes.

the times are changing.

this excitement is glorious,

people are dancing in the streets.

it's like the grand entrance into a new enlightenment.

people have pride in red, white, and blue again.

look what we've done!

on the edge of one of the most horrific economic depressions we've ever seen,

and yet we're believing we have a solution.

we're believing again.

for everyone who ever said

they'd never have a voice,

open up your eyes.

this is one of the greatest achievements in history,

and it belongs to us,

my friends.

the system may be flawed,

but it's up to us to fix it.

let's put a little elbow grease into what so many have bled for before us.

yes we can...yes we did.

OBAMA!

this is hands down one of the most exciting times

we could have possibly asked to be alive in.

this is history in the making.

this will be taught for hundreds of years.

a new day is upon us.

the first black president,

did you expect to see it in your life time?

well, here it is.

i can't wait to see what happens.

election day.

so,

i'm not reallllly one to talk about politics.

i think the whole system is fucked,

and were pretty much screwed either way.

however.

i do think it is important to vote.

exercise your right.

if you don't speak,

your voice will never be heard.

it takes 2 seconds,

just do it.

it's really not even that exciting,

considering new york is and always will be democratic,

but at least you're throwing your 2 cents in.

and who knows,

maybe we'll find the change we've been looking for.

thats all i really wanted to say,

i just felt compelled to post about it.

after one good day.

you flip and crash like raging waves,

and lock yourself away for days, 

and hide your face from rays of sun,

and hide your face from everyone.

well wont you stop hiding?

open up to me.

hangovers & early mornings.

this weekend was out of this world.

for real,

like bat shit crazy.

i'm trying to look back

and like, clearly recount it all,

but i think thats next to impossible.

i like surrounding myself with good people,

as opposed to just, everybody.

and i'm hoping for another weekend like this real soon,

maybe a trip or something.

i'd love to take a bunch of friends

and just go rent a house on the side of a mountain for a few days.

that'd be dope.

i also wrote a good amount this wknd,

but i kept it all in the 'kick.

i'm going to go through it when i get a chance,

and i'll post some of the good stuff.

oh & for the record,

there will be no more throwing of pumpkins off roofs for this kid.

too much art.

what a wonderful weekend.

I understand the creative.
the individual way of seeing things.
our expression.
and you'll call it art.
but to me it just is.
it is as it should be.

peaking.
ill finish this later.