and you know it don't matter,
cause you know i don't care,
what they talk about out there in the city,
and you know i could sit here,
without saying one word,
just losing myself to my mind.
if nothing seems to matter,
please don't be alarmed,
i'm just turning myself off for a bit,
and im leaving for now,
but ill find my way back somehow,
and then for you i will deal with all of it.
because youre the only person
who i really care
what they think about me anyway.
after all these years,
and the fact that we're still here,
brought together again,
over and over.
and we didn't even date,
you'd just come over my way,
from time to time.
and we'd be.
from crush turned to lover,
turned to friend, then to nothing,
we find ourselves back at the start.
and you're still the only person i could see growing old with,
and you're still the light of my night,
and you're still everything, in the whole world to me,
because you are the love of my life.
yes, you are the love of my life.
rough, but spur of the moment.
i should wake up earlier more often,
i'm pretty productive early in the day.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
growth.
we were the best of friends,
through the better,
always stuck together,
through all the sunny weather.
and when the rain came down,
sometimes we'd shine,
through the sheltered area,
of my back porch.
and like a flower through the concrete,
in the middle of my black street,
we learned to grow into our own.
and not to be scared,
to say what we felt,
and to hold onto those who mattered,
and lose those that didn't.
so now we find ourselves,
leaving again,
and we're all without a plan.
but i know in my heart,
that we'll all stumble and crawl,
and then learn to run on our own.
but we'll always remember,
and come back in december,
to the place we all know as 'home'.
through the better,
always stuck together,
through all the sunny weather.
and when the rain came down,
sometimes we'd shine,
through the sheltered area,
of my back porch.
and like a flower through the concrete,
in the middle of my black street,
we learned to grow into our own.
and not to be scared,
to say what we felt,
and to hold onto those who mattered,
and lose those that didn't.
so now we find ourselves,
leaving again,
and we're all without a plan.
but i know in my heart,
that we'll all stumble and crawl,
and then learn to run on our own.
but we'll always remember,
and come back in december,
to the place we all know as 'home'.
Monday, July 28, 2008
who, what, when, where, and why I'm here.
I've always wanted to be
a poetic genius.
writing the best lines,
you've never heard.
but you'll never hear,
because you'll never know.
appearence is everything
but what's on the inside is all that really counts.
its what's inside that counts.
tonight I want to see you're insides.
tonight you're all I want to see.
a poetic genius.
writing the best lines,
you've never heard.
but you'll never hear,
because you'll never know.
appearence is everything
but what's on the inside is all that really counts.
its what's inside that counts.
tonight I want to see you're insides.
tonight you're all I want to see.
the best lines never leave the writers lips.
and honest lovers cease to exist.
the best kiss will never reach anothers lips.
and my body's far too weak to continue this.
he said
'that's a lovely dress you're wearing.
maybe you should take it off,
afterall,
i wouldn't want to get a pretty little thing like that dirty.
but you on the otherhand..
i'm going to make a mess with you.'
well now,
show time.
I just want to hear some rhythm.
springsteen at giant stadium tonight.
tailgating now.
my dad bought us tickets,
first time in awhile where its just me and him.
and not that I don't appreciate this time spent with him,
I wish we had more to talk about.
but Bruce has always been
a common ground for us.
tailgating now.
my dad bought us tickets,
first time in awhile where its just me and him.
and not that I don't appreciate this time spent with him,
I wish we had more to talk about.
but Bruce has always been
a common ground for us.
I also find it really funny,
when 45+ year old dudes play beer pong,
and take it really seriously.
one day a week,
every once in awhile,
we find ourselves staring out,
in awe of the beauty,
that surrounds us daily.
from that little rocky look-out.
on the top of the mountain.
and we start our own little forest fires,
protected by paper-thin sheets,
that burn down in a line,
just like we want them to.
and we laugh and we ramble,
and throw our heads around,
to give our minds some air,
and we smash and we gamble,
and open up ourselves in ways,
that will remedy any dispair.
and on our off days,
we fashion ourselves,
in our business suits,
so the world will think that we're sane,
and we build up on our shelves,
with silver and gold,
so that the world will know our name.
well instead of fortune 500,
ill carve my name into this tree,
and after I'm dead,
well this trunk will be left,
and it'll always remember me.
weather.
perfect lazy sunday.
i love being able to sit out in the rain,
without having to get rained on.
especially during huge storms.
when the thunder cracks move the earth,
thats where i wanna be.
and that split second bolt,
that burns into the skyline.
these are the days that i'll miss.
i love being able to sit out in the rain,
without having to get rained on.
especially during huge storms.
when the thunder cracks move the earth,
thats where i wanna be.
and that split second bolt,
that burns into the skyline.
these are the days that i'll miss.
Friday, July 25, 2008
purple.
house party.
phat tunes.
obliterated.
good start to a long night.
phat tunes.
obliterated.
good start to a long night.
nothing allll day tomorrow.
living the dream.
summer daze.
so, the past few days adam & I have been recording non-stop.
the demo sounds ill.
I think anthony is laying down the drum tracks within the next few
days,
and once that's done,
ill be a very happy camper.
the demo sounds ill.
I think anthony is laying down the drum tracks within the next few
days,
and once that's done,
ill be a very happy camper.
it seems like all these days and weeks
are just blending into one another.
I've lost all concept of time & date.
I wake up each morning,
go to work,
come home
and then relax until the night,
when we go out and cause a rukus for a few hours,
then I start the whole thing over.
those are my weekdays.
I don't know where they've all gone.
it seems like yesterday was the start of the summer,
and we didn't have a care in the world.
I guess its safe to say that its been a stressful summer,
so I'm not that sorry to see it blazing by,
but it seems like all the best things
are happening right as its ending,
and right before we all go back.
I'm heading over to conn. in a few days,
to meet with my boss & team.
red bull stuff,
I assume its brainstorming and stuff,
but the only thing Big J will say about it
is that 'details are coming'.
I hope he's got some surprise
and we're just having some big party.
that'd be ill.
back to work.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
sessions.
Today I was cleaning off my bedspace,
Came across a strand of hair,
Realized its yours,
And for a moment I was back there.
Decided to be the bigger person,
Decided to give you a buzz,
My insides are recalling,
What I knew true love was.
I remember you would lie with me,
Through the thunder storms.
And you would laugh as we’d get high.
Because you are composed of the most wonderful things,
Put together, even better.
Came across a strand of hair,
Realized its yours,
And for a moment I was back there.
Decided to be the bigger person,
Decided to give you a buzz,
My insides are recalling,
What I knew true love was.
I remember you would lie with me,
Through the thunder storms.
And you would laugh as we’d get high.
Because you are composed of the most wonderful things,
Put together, even better.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
a praise chorus.
I find peace in the pulsating bass,
and your lips when a smiles on your face,
and in all those nights you've spent at my place.
see I don't remember last night,
or much of the night before,
but ill never forget your first flight,
and how I've never missed you more.
because I, I am euphoric,
and you are my grandeur.
but you leave just like the phoenix,
and I'm left to watch you soar.
and your lips when a smiles on your face,
and in all those nights you've spent at my place.
see I don't remember last night,
or much of the night before,
but ill never forget your first flight,
and how I've never missed you more.
because I, I am euphoric,
and you are my grandeur.
but you leave just like the phoenix,
and I'm left to watch you soar.
(reprise.)
bridge.
i think its fly to wait till saturday night,
holding hands, under blankets, turn out the light,
feeling you feeling me, it feels so right,
as we move in to see, what a wonderful sight,
i'd give you everything.
buy you a diamond ring,
write a hundred songs to sing,
about how i love you.
i'd buy you all the bling,
i'd spend damn near anything,
find precious stones to bring,
to show you how they humble in your eyes.
thats it.
holding hands, under blankets, turn out the light,
feeling you feeling me, it feels so right,
as we move in to see, what a wonderful sight,
i'd give you everything.
buy you a diamond ring,
write a hundred songs to sing,
about how i love you.
i'd buy you all the bling,
i'd spend damn near anything,
find precious stones to bring,
to show you how they humble in your eyes.
thats it.
sugar smash.
so sugarnaut has officially started recording.
granted they're low-quality,
fast, 'just to hear' the sound recordings,
but recordings none the less.
oh and also, adam's the only one on them.
i think we're aiming for finishing up 'euphoric' [working title],
within the next two weeks,
and then maybe we'll have a 3-5 song cd
by september.
that'd be nice.
some of the newer stuff on here
might be directly turned into new lyrics & such.
so keep a look out, & learn the words.
some of the lyrics from 'euphoric'
came from the 'think happy thoughts' post.
it's funny to think that this blog,
really jump-started this whole process.
i love it.
time to head out,
there'll be something on here later.
granted they're low-quality,
fast, 'just to hear' the sound recordings,
but recordings none the less.
oh and also, adam's the only one on them.
i think we're aiming for finishing up 'euphoric' [working title],
within the next two weeks,
and then maybe we'll have a 3-5 song cd
by september.
that'd be nice.
some of the newer stuff on here
might be directly turned into new lyrics & such.
so keep a look out, & learn the words.
some of the lyrics from 'euphoric'
came from the 'think happy thoughts' post.
it's funny to think that this blog,
really jump-started this whole process.
i love it.
time to head out,
there'll be something on here later.
requiem.
i am confident and deserving,
maintaining all that you're deserting,
and while you're out searching for an answer
to define yourself,
my feet are here holding down the ground,
and they're breaking for real wealth.
see i've done everything that this world has to offer,
but living life like this has me feelin' like a pauper,
because when gold is an item most would behold,
with a life like this it's just adding to the load,
because happiness isn't defined by the money in your hand,
its a measure of strength and your humanity as a man,
so quit chasin' change looking for your payday,
because in the end all your money never mattered anyway.
so sip the finest wine, and waste all of your time,
because your expectancy is declining every minute.
but if you want to make it worth it,
make sure before you hit the dirt pit,
to reach out,
and touch someone you love.
i cant believe how long it's been.
i am sweating,
i am shaking,
you're the first one i can remember,
the only one i lose my words for.
because warm summer nights
are infused with emotion,
that add to the lifestyle,
which adds to the commotion.
days pass through to the nights
i long to spend with you,
but before i can say a word
i choke on my tongue.
you know,
i don't remember being scared,
when i was younger,
i guess i just never cared,
but there's something in the way,
you look at me.
now i'm searching for the perfect word,
something that you've never heard,
so that i can be the one you really yearn for.
but everything that comes out just sounds absurd,
i'm talking like a person, but i'm sounding like a bird,
i pray that i'm the person that you've prayed for.
because to me you're not just one in a million,
to me you're not just some whore,
to me you'd be worth waiting a billion,
just to see that its me you adore.
and i would give you the world,
and all it had to offer,
if you wanted those sorts of things,
but i'd trade it all for nothing,
give up all i have to offer,
just to lay near you and listen to you sing.
maintaining all that you're deserting,
and while you're out searching for an answer
to define yourself,
my feet are here holding down the ground,
and they're breaking for real wealth.
see i've done everything that this world has to offer,
but living life like this has me feelin' like a pauper,
because when gold is an item most would behold,
with a life like this it's just adding to the load,
because happiness isn't defined by the money in your hand,
its a measure of strength and your humanity as a man,
so quit chasin' change looking for your payday,
because in the end all your money never mattered anyway.
so sip the finest wine, and waste all of your time,
because your expectancy is declining every minute.
but if you want to make it worth it,
make sure before you hit the dirt pit,
to reach out,
and touch someone you love.
i cant believe how long it's been.
i am sweating,
i am shaking,
you're the first one i can remember,
the only one i lose my words for.
because warm summer nights
are infused with emotion,
that add to the lifestyle,
which adds to the commotion.
days pass through to the nights
i long to spend with you,
but before i can say a word
i choke on my tongue.
you know,
i don't remember being scared,
when i was younger,
i guess i just never cared,
but there's something in the way,
you look at me.
now i'm searching for the perfect word,
something that you've never heard,
so that i can be the one you really yearn for.
but everything that comes out just sounds absurd,
i'm talking like a person, but i'm sounding like a bird,
i pray that i'm the person that you've prayed for.
because to me you're not just one in a million,
to me you're not just some whore,
to me you'd be worth waiting a billion,
just to see that its me you adore.
and i would give you the world,
and all it had to offer,
if you wanted those sorts of things,
but i'd trade it all for nothing,
give up all i have to offer,
just to lay near you and listen to you sing.
the romans did as we do.
lately i've been trying to go out as much as possible,
and although its not helping me any with the money situation,
at least i haven't been bored.
and it's getting me through the days.
your beauty spills out each one of your pores,
into an ocean of lust that lays out on the floor,
and i swim to your side,
as your body gently glides,
over the waves in our sea love.
and your eyes are beaming,
they show me the way,
they bring me through the evening,
and into the next day.
because the clock is always ticking,
and its always time to go,
but whenever we are leaving,
at least i always know,
that when you're out there doing something,
at least you're always thinking of me.
see when i'm without you,
its like my world is out of sort.
and every second that you're gone,
they only make me miss you more,
and it seems to me that you're the one,
that i've been waiting my whole life for.
and although its not helping me any with the money situation,
at least i haven't been bored.
and it's getting me through the days.
your beauty spills out each one of your pores,
into an ocean of lust that lays out on the floor,
and i swim to your side,
as your body gently glides,
over the waves in our sea love.
and your eyes are beaming,
they show me the way,
they bring me through the evening,
and into the next day.
because the clock is always ticking,
and its always time to go,
but whenever we are leaving,
at least i always know,
that when you're out there doing something,
at least you're always thinking of me.
see when i'm without you,
its like my world is out of sort.
and every second that you're gone,
they only make me miss you more,
and it seems to me that you're the one,
that i've been waiting my whole life for.
Monday, July 21, 2008
to find my star.
I intentionally speak,
all my words in tounges,
because when I try to be smooth,
its like I ain't got none.
I work all day,
to save up some cash,
but my account never gets bigger,
I spend it too fast.
all my words in tounges,
because when I try to be smooth,
its like I ain't got none.
I work all day,
to save up some cash,
but my account never gets bigger,
I spend it too fast.
its been a good past few days,
dope shit over here.
good friends in good places.
all the things I love.
and in the right light,
I swear to you that I could be a god,
with my trident in hand,
I will command this holy damned land.
she said you're losing your touch,
and your grip on reality,
and sometimes the voices in your head,
scare the fucking crap out of me,
but I know that you're more,
than the sins you've committed,
and the light that's inside of you,
burns brighter than you've lately permitted.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
why so serious?
okay, the Dark Knight,
was fucking incredible.
i'm going to just go ahead and say,
it was probably one of, if not the,
best superhero movies of all time.
the visuals were some of the best i've ever seen,
and his new weapons and vehicles,
are like the coolest things ever.
its like everything you could ever imagine
batman actually having,
well this movie brought all those in,
with vibrant effects,
and probably a huge-ass budget.
and i know that everybody already knows it,
but heath ledger was AMAZING as the joker.
and i love you jack, but he played the part better than anyone,
ever.
and i liked the illustration of two-face's role,
and the scene that eventually turned him into two-face
was flawless.
i am going to say tho, that the burnt half of his face,
reminded me alot of the machine guy in the terminator movie.
only instead of graphing his face as metal and machinery,
they made it flesh and gore.
im heading out to stony brook for the evening,
going to see some friends from school.
its just going to make me miss NP more.
good news is, only two more weeks,
then its up to the apartment.
woke up early this morning to go to work,
so now im going to take a nap.
schwing.
was fucking incredible.
i'm going to just go ahead and say,
it was probably one of, if not the,
best superhero movies of all time.
the visuals were some of the best i've ever seen,
and his new weapons and vehicles,
are like the coolest things ever.
its like everything you could ever imagine
batman actually having,
well this movie brought all those in,
with vibrant effects,
and probably a huge-ass budget.
and i know that everybody already knows it,
but heath ledger was AMAZING as the joker.
and i love you jack, but he played the part better than anyone,
ever.
and i liked the illustration of two-face's role,
and the scene that eventually turned him into two-face
was flawless.
i am going to say tho, that the burnt half of his face,
reminded me alot of the machine guy in the terminator movie.
only instead of graphing his face as metal and machinery,
they made it flesh and gore.
im heading out to stony brook for the evening,
going to see some friends from school.
its just going to make me miss NP more.
good news is, only two more weeks,
then its up to the apartment.
woke up early this morning to go to work,
so now im going to take a nap.
schwing.
Friday, July 18, 2008
keeping tabs.
i lost another hat!
at least, i think i did.
i don't know where everything keeps going.
but the past like 3 weeks,
i've been losing my life.
my remotes gone.
2 hats.
a 'holder-my-hair-backer".
& i'm not positive,
but i think im missing 3 half-packs of cigarettes.
i swear i had some left in each of the packs,
but they're all gone.
fuck my life.
so, now we're seeing the Dark Knight tonight,
because of the sell-outedness of last night.
or i guess the sell-outedness of really early this morning.
im pumped.
and of course the group romo,
like we do before every movie we see.
adam and i are going to start recording.
ill post some demos when they're ready.
i am spending money like its water,
but i think that i have 2 more jobs lined up
when i get back to new paltz.
so at least i'll have some money coming in there.
today has been a good day,
thus far.
at least, i think i did.
i don't know where everything keeps going.
but the past like 3 weeks,
i've been losing my life.
my remotes gone.
2 hats.
a 'holder-my-hair-backer".
& i'm not positive,
but i think im missing 3 half-packs of cigarettes.
i swear i had some left in each of the packs,
but they're all gone.
fuck my life.
so, now we're seeing the Dark Knight tonight,
because of the sell-outedness of last night.
or i guess the sell-outedness of really early this morning.
im pumped.
and of course the group romo,
like we do before every movie we see.
adam and i are going to start recording.
ill post some demos when they're ready.
i am spending money like its water,
but i think that i have 2 more jobs lined up
when i get back to new paltz.
so at least i'll have some money coming in there.
today has been a good day,
thus far.
centaur.
the dark knight sold out,
at every single theatre.
god damn.
if i talk to much
and i don't make sense,
and i get all worked up
over stupid nonsense,
and i cant focus in for even a second,
on what you want me to hear,
and i get too fucked up,
and make a fool of myself,
then do you promise you'll still be here?
because i promise that i'm not the greatest,
yeah, i'm definitely not cream of the crop,
and even with the stupidest things,
i'm still liable to screw it all up.
but i promise that i'll do my damnedest,
to make sure that you never frown,
because if there's one thing that i love in this world,
its the fact that you're always around.
at every single theatre.
god damn.
if i talk to much
and i don't make sense,
and i get all worked up
over stupid nonsense,
and i cant focus in for even a second,
on what you want me to hear,
and i get too fucked up,
and make a fool of myself,
then do you promise you'll still be here?
because i promise that i'm not the greatest,
yeah, i'm definitely not cream of the crop,
and even with the stupidest things,
i'm still liable to screw it all up.
but i promise that i'll do my damnedest,
to make sure that you never frown,
because if there's one thing that i love in this world,
its the fact that you're always around.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
shit's fire.
found this online today, it made me laugh.
there are a few online comics, like this one,
that i've found that are really good.
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Least I Could Do...
Toothpaste for Dinner
Polkout
check those out, they're pretty much guaranteed to put you in a good mood.
so i realized i haven't posted anything at all yet today.
but i've been all over the place so i haven't really had the time.
ill make a good update later.
until next time...
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
nostalgia.
it's funny to think about how we grow, & change.
thinking about the past and how young,
and foolish we used to be.
when love was pure, and innocent.
and you fell for every girl you kissed,
and you thought 2 weeks was a long-term,
serious relationship.
i remember the first time i kissed a girl,
and losing my virginity,
what a mess that was.
my grandmother knocked on the door during,
i thought i was going to die.
and the first time i was blind-sighted,
and hurt by what i thought was my 'true love'.
its funny to think that now the only thing i have left
to remember all that by,
is the writing on my walls.
like a memoir of my grade school days.
i miss that, i miss all of that.
when life was simple and the days were easy.
there was a good amount of ups & downs,
but we made it through,
and, at least in my opinion, we had some fun.
hopefully one day,
i'll be able to re-live it,
with all of those people that i loved.
and everyone of you who ever signed the wall of fame,
you know you'll always have a special spot in my heart.
growing like wildfire,
up out of the dirt,
we were the weeds of our generation.
and while they all thought
'they'll never succeed',
at least we knew where we were going.
now it seems these days,
that we're the only ones left,
standing with our heads on straight.
now it seems these days,
that we've beat all the rest,
and its our turn to get up to the plate.
and the kids who rebelled,
and the kids you expelled,
now they are the ones you confide in.
and the kids who skipped school,
the ones who you all labeled fools,
now they are the ones you have pride in.
thinking about the past and how young,
and foolish we used to be.
when love was pure, and innocent.
and you fell for every girl you kissed,
and you thought 2 weeks was a long-term,
serious relationship.
i remember the first time i kissed a girl,
and losing my virginity,
what a mess that was.
my grandmother knocked on the door during,
i thought i was going to die.
and the first time i was blind-sighted,
and hurt by what i thought was my 'true love'.
its funny to think that now the only thing i have left
to remember all that by,
is the writing on my walls.
like a memoir of my grade school days.
i miss that, i miss all of that.
when life was simple and the days were easy.
there was a good amount of ups & downs,
but we made it through,
and, at least in my opinion, we had some fun.
hopefully one day,
i'll be able to re-live it,
with all of those people that i loved.
and everyone of you who ever signed the wall of fame,
you know you'll always have a special spot in my heart.
growing like wildfire,
up out of the dirt,
we were the weeds of our generation.
and while they all thought
'they'll never succeed',
at least we knew where we were going.
now it seems these days,
that we're the only ones left,
standing with our heads on straight.
now it seems these days,
that we've beat all the rest,
and its our turn to get up to the plate.
and the kids who rebelled,
and the kids you expelled,
now they are the ones you confide in.
and the kids who skipped school,
the ones who you all labeled fools,
now they are the ones you have pride in.
the sound.
one thing that i learned from growing up on long island,
is where to find water.
more specifically, the beach.
it's like a 6th sense or something.
and when you get close,
you can feel it.
all through your body,
and in your bones,
you just know.
and its exciting.
i was driving up on the north shore today,
while at work,
and i could just pick a direction to drive to,
and i'd know where to find water.
as soon as i pulled into town,
a little farther from the center,
a little closer to the shore,
i felt the rush inside me.
that's one thing i'm going to miss about living here.
constantly being within 20 minutes of a beach.
that was a good feeling.
i love always getting out of work before one,
usually before noon.
its like 4 hours of work to wake me up,
and then the day is mine.
im going to go seize it.
is where to find water.
more specifically, the beach.
it's like a 6th sense or something.
and when you get close,
you can feel it.
all through your body,
and in your bones,
you just know.
and its exciting.
i was driving up on the north shore today,
while at work,
and i could just pick a direction to drive to,
and i'd know where to find water.
as soon as i pulled into town,
a little farther from the center,
a little closer to the shore,
i felt the rush inside me.
that's one thing i'm going to miss about living here.
constantly being within 20 minutes of a beach.
that was a good feeling.
i love always getting out of work before one,
usually before noon.
its like 4 hours of work to wake me up,
and then the day is mine.
im going to go seize it.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
the map maker.
i want to travel the world,
to every corner of the map.
uptown, downtown, in & out,
of everywhere.
i feel like that's
one of the most beneficial things you can do
as a person living on earth.
culture yourself,
learn about other people,
see how they live,
what they do,
learn languages (or at least phrases),
and just all around,
experience everything.
i want to go wine tasting in tuscany,
i want to see the pyramids in egypt,
i want to party with the people of new zealand,
and australia,
but obviously not at the same time.
i want to be in a bull race,
and at the peak of the highest mountain.
i think that would be nice.
i hope by the time im 30,
(which gives me jussst over a decade)
i will have memories in all these places.
and i'll write them all,
right here.
i should probably start planning this out.
the past few days i've been staring at my walls,
reading over all thats been written,
in the past 6 years.
i miss it,
i miss being young,
and stupid,
and naive.
i miss not having consequences.
strangely, i even miss high school.
i remember eagerly waiting to bust out of that place,
now, less than 2 years later,
im wishing i could go back.
not because i want to re-live it,
it would just be nice to see some
old, familiar faces around.
however, nothing compares to the excitement
of right now.
every day, a new face.
every week, a new place.
its incredible.
its summer. its lively,
its passing time.
and even though that leaves me breathless,
i still cant wait till the day
when i settle back down,
in the town that i have so rapidly
learned to call home,
& i can see all the people,
who i've come to love,
in the short time that we've been together.
i never knew that moving to a new place,
would add new members to my family,
but i'm glad it did,
because i wouldn't trade them for the world.
i miss you, new paltz.
i'll see you soon.
to every corner of the map.
uptown, downtown, in & out,
of everywhere.
i feel like that's
one of the most beneficial things you can do
as a person living on earth.
culture yourself,
learn about other people,
see how they live,
what they do,
learn languages (or at least phrases),
and just all around,
experience everything.
i want to go wine tasting in tuscany,
i want to see the pyramids in egypt,
i want to party with the people of new zealand,
and australia,
but obviously not at the same time.
i want to be in a bull race,
and at the peak of the highest mountain.
i think that would be nice.
i hope by the time im 30,
(which gives me jussst over a decade)
i will have memories in all these places.
and i'll write them all,
right here.
i should probably start planning this out.
the past few days i've been staring at my walls,
reading over all thats been written,
in the past 6 years.
i miss it,
i miss being young,
and stupid,
and naive.
i miss not having consequences.
strangely, i even miss high school.
i remember eagerly waiting to bust out of that place,
now, less than 2 years later,
im wishing i could go back.
not because i want to re-live it,
it would just be nice to see some
old, familiar faces around.
however, nothing compares to the excitement
of right now.
every day, a new face.
every week, a new place.
its incredible.
its summer. its lively,
its passing time.
and even though that leaves me breathless,
i still cant wait till the day
when i settle back down,
in the town that i have so rapidly
learned to call home,
& i can see all the people,
who i've come to love,
in the short time that we've been together.
i never knew that moving to a new place,
would add new members to my family,
but i'm glad it did,
because i wouldn't trade them for the world.
i miss you, new paltz.
i'll see you soon.
feel the burn.
so i pretty much just realized,
i'm no good with sunglasses.
it's not the look,
or the style,
or anything like that.
i mean i love wearing them,
and half of the time
(esp. at all the pools)
i need them.
i just break them,
all
the
time.
this is why i cant buy nice expensive sunglasses,
because knowing me, ill break them
in 10 minutes flat.
either they fall,
or i step on them,
or i don't even know.
who's bright idea was it to make sunglasses
so damn fragile?
speaking of glasses,
i have an eye doctor appt tonight.
but my eye doctors,
are my neighbors.
& get this,
their last name,
is glass.
and just to clear up,
generally (unless otherwise noted)
with everything i write,
if there is a space between 2 paragraphs,
they're probably unrelated.
anybody know what the deal with
cryptidsarereal.com?
i think its like an advertisement for something,
but i haven't been able to figure out what yet.
its like cloverfield-style marketing,
but i feel like this is going to end up
being something real stupid.
hope not.
showertime.
i'm no good with sunglasses.
it's not the look,
or the style,
or anything like that.
i mean i love wearing them,
and half of the time
(esp. at all the pools)
i need them.
i just break them,
all
the
time.
this is why i cant buy nice expensive sunglasses,
because knowing me, ill break them
in 10 minutes flat.
either they fall,
or i step on them,
or i don't even know.
who's bright idea was it to make sunglasses
so damn fragile?
speaking of glasses,
i have an eye doctor appt tonight.
but my eye doctors,
are my neighbors.
& get this,
their last name,
is glass.
and just to clear up,
generally (unless otherwise noted)
with everything i write,
if there is a space between 2 paragraphs,
they're probably unrelated.
anybody know what the deal with
cryptidsarereal.com?
i think its like an advertisement for something,
but i haven't been able to figure out what yet.
its like cloverfield-style marketing,
but i feel like this is going to end up
being something real stupid.
hope not.
showertime.
feed the animals.
good morning.
so, another day, no work. love it.
wed-friday this week,
poss sat.
then saturday night i mightttt
take a little trip out east w fried,
to see some of my favorite people
:) im excited.
i find that roses can
intertwine with one another,
maybe thats why it's called
the flower of love.
imagine if people were raised like that.
you & the person you were born next to,
together forever.
growing together,
around each other.
they're called climbing roses.
but people can't do that.
they're to busy trying to grow
around & over,
everyone else.
and they'll cut your vine,
just so they have a little extra
to drink.
i'm trying to find an egg chair,
for my apartment,
but they're like the most expensive things ever.
they're asking like,
$2,500+.
yeah, right.
it's a fucking chair.
oh, and.
i've had it for awhile now,
but the past few days its like,
my entire playlist.
girl talk's new album
is fireeeee.
check it out,
its one of those
'pay whatever you want'
type deals.
definitely worth the download.
the worst thing in the world,
is being left behind.
when you're still searching,
& it seems like everyone else
has long since found their way.
it's like the world's oldest pain,
yearning to make the globe spin faster.
i feel that every day.
not because i feel all that lonely,
or because i'm searching for somewhere to belong.
i have people all around me,
and i have a house, a car, a home.
i feel like im just waiting for my life to begin,
i've come as far as i could in this chapter,
now i'm ready to turn the page.
until next time.
so, another day, no work. love it.
wed-friday this week,
poss sat.
then saturday night i mightttt
take a little trip out east w fried,
to see some of my favorite people
:) im excited.
i find that roses can
intertwine with one another,
maybe thats why it's called
the flower of love.
imagine if people were raised like that.
you & the person you were born next to,
together forever.
growing together,
around each other.
they're called climbing roses.
but people can't do that.
they're to busy trying to grow
around & over,
everyone else.
and they'll cut your vine,
just so they have a little extra
to drink.
i'm trying to find an egg chair,
for my apartment,
but they're like the most expensive things ever.
they're asking like,
$2,500+.
yeah, right.
it's a fucking chair.
oh, and.
i've had it for awhile now,
but the past few days its like,
my entire playlist.
girl talk's new album
is fireeeee.
check it out,
its one of those
'pay whatever you want'
type deals.
definitely worth the download.
the worst thing in the world,
is being left behind.
when you're still searching,
& it seems like everyone else
has long since found their way.
it's like the world's oldest pain,
yearning to make the globe spin faster.
i feel that every day.
not because i feel all that lonely,
or because i'm searching for somewhere to belong.
i have people all around me,
and i have a house, a car, a home.
i feel like im just waiting for my life to begin,
i've come as far as i could in this chapter,
now i'm ready to turn the page.
until next time.
late nights/early mornings.
playing with the ways,
to pass through the days,
has long been a hobby of mine.
because most of the fun,
begins way after the sun,
has set below the skyline.
im going to sleep well tonight.
i am comfortable,
it feels nice.
goodnight.
to pass through the days,
has long been a hobby of mine.
because most of the fun,
begins way after the sun,
has set below the skyline.
im going to sleep well tonight.
i am comfortable,
it feels nice.
goodnight.
Monday, July 14, 2008
making something of myself.
i was born into a family that could afford the finer things,
but not the finest.
and like my father before me wanted a better life for his children,
as do i for mine.
the storm of my lifetime has been building up for years,
the thunder and the lightning can be found,
ringing in my ears.
so i will take what i've been given,
plant it down below the earth,
and sprout myself a bean stalk,
and ride it up the ladder of social worth.
see i'm the grand commander,
the lieutenant & the saint,
and i will not let the people rest,
until they've heard what i have to say.
so take all thats forbidden,
and what they say that you cant have,
because the answers may seem hidden,
but don't let that hold you back.
we are the leaders of the future,
we're the next page in the book,
and im painting the colors and shades of the world,
to be exactly as i want them to look.
but not the finest.
and like my father before me wanted a better life for his children,
as do i for mine.
the storm of my lifetime has been building up for years,
the thunder and the lightning can be found,
ringing in my ears.
so i will take what i've been given,
plant it down below the earth,
and sprout myself a bean stalk,
and ride it up the ladder of social worth.
see i'm the grand commander,
the lieutenant & the saint,
and i will not let the people rest,
until they've heard what i have to say.
so take all thats forbidden,
and what they say that you cant have,
because the answers may seem hidden,
but don't let that hold you back.
we are the leaders of the future,
we're the next page in the book,
and im painting the colors and shades of the world,
to be exactly as i want them to look.
like a virgin.
so lately i've been thinking,
and i think that i need something fresh.
like a brand new loaf of bread,
or a baby that hasn't been held yet.
something with silver plated armor,
with a center, whole and pure,
like someone that doesn't settle,
or the earth's molten core.
my friend he gave me a letter,
said 'i think this is what you need',
i read it all in full to find,
it was a recipe.
so now, ive got this recipe and,
i've been waiting to cook it up.
but i need someone with the right size hand,
to hold my measuring cup.
the ingredients are as follows,
one whole serving of them all.
and if we cook it up right,
it should be ready by the fall.
some passion, and some guava,
water, fire, ice and lava,
seeds and weeds and daffodils,
beads and thneeds and sugar mills.
stir it all in a coffee pot,
and you'll see what will grow,
a tree of all the most marvelous things,
and the answers for all you need to know.
that doesn't make any sense,
so don't mind it.
im feeling rather good the past few days,
writing again has really put me in a good place.
so i went to see this doctor,
and this is what he said,
he said 'i want you to write down all the things,
that make you feel like you are dead.'
so i paid him his fee,
and went home with just me,
to start this little list,
and as the list got longer,
my feelings got stronger,
on why i wanted to exist.
that was cool.
the end for now.
and i think that i need something fresh.
like a brand new loaf of bread,
or a baby that hasn't been held yet.
something with silver plated armor,
with a center, whole and pure,
like someone that doesn't settle,
or the earth's molten core.
my friend he gave me a letter,
said 'i think this is what you need',
i read it all in full to find,
it was a recipe.
so now, ive got this recipe and,
i've been waiting to cook it up.
but i need someone with the right size hand,
to hold my measuring cup.
the ingredients are as follows,
one whole serving of them all.
and if we cook it up right,
it should be ready by the fall.
some passion, and some guava,
water, fire, ice and lava,
seeds and weeds and daffodils,
beads and thneeds and sugar mills.
stir it all in a coffee pot,
and you'll see what will grow,
a tree of all the most marvelous things,
and the answers for all you need to know.
that doesn't make any sense,
so don't mind it.
im feeling rather good the past few days,
writing again has really put me in a good place.
so i went to see this doctor,
and this is what he said,
he said 'i want you to write down all the things,
that make you feel like you are dead.'
so i paid him his fee,
and went home with just me,
to start this little list,
and as the list got longer,
my feelings got stronger,
on why i wanted to exist.
that was cool.
the end for now.
everything is now, and now, is everything.
I would buy you the stars in the sky,
make them spell out your name,
build cities around you,
sing songs of your fame.
in my eyes you're a goddess,
in my eyes you're a queen,
in my eyes you're the champion,
you're the girl of my dreams.
all the friends you thought you knew,
well they don't know you anymore.
and they never really even left,
they never said goodbye.
your loved ones are lost ones,
and fake ones,
and no ones.
they never knew what you could do,
they never cared to try.
because were all out watching our own necks,
were all just trying to get by.
but we are the only friends we have,
and this ill show you.
all those people you swore you loved,
will leave you.
and everybody eventually dies alone,
but you'll never be alone in my eyes.
I'm going mentally insane just to save my own life now,
I'd rather make a friend then spill all my guts out,
cause that's just the way I am.
so remove your insides, hold them tightly,
tell me what you like about me.
I'm the one you've always wanted.
way to gone, for you to find me,
5 towns later & I'm feelin' mighty,
I'm the one your mother told you to stay away from.
we have been waiting for
we have been waiting for this
our whole lives
so why does it feel like all the best times, are over?
bring me back, bring me back.
no let me stay.
this is here, this is now this is where I belong.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back in ourselves.
lets win this rack, lets win this game with ourselves.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back for ourselves.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back for our new kind.
we are the kids, that time just left out.
we were the kids, your parents told you all about.
we are the kids, that still have tomorrow.
we are still kids, so break the norm,
were flyin' solo.
i will give you a penny,
for every bad word that i say,
and i'll give you a minute,
for every second i'm away.
you're the light in my life,
the wind in my hair,
you're the tingle in my fingers,
and the music in the air.
you've got it coming from all the right faces,
in all the wrong places.
she lives on devonshire,
i live in my own little world.
this is not the way its supposed to be,
in the hands of a man,
not a mercenary.
I've got to stop this,
I've got a plan.
& this is not a question,
its a matter of course.
can you, can you,
come over some time around two,
whatever's good for you, whenever's good for you.
cuz, I've been waiting around all of my days thinking,
somethings, well some things never change
and you know that its true,
all your friends they do too.
don't kid yourself sweetie,
its only us two.
my body's
not at rest
without you.
& i've missed your hair
(when it's everywhere, it's everywhere.)
i miss being so wrecked
& crawling up your stairs,
to your bedroom where our clothes are shed.
oh, you are the best at what you do.
i miss your excuses for the truth.
& i miss mixes made for making out.
but what i really miss is you calling me out.
i miss you singing low beneath your breath.
i miss your fingernails across my chest.
i miss how smooth your skin feels in my hands.
i miss sweating until the sheets are wet.
i miss the mistakes you made along the way
that always brought you back to me.
well I am so tired, but I never sleep,
my body is hungry, but my mouth just won't eat.
your body's a weapon, and I'm locked in your sight,
and if I don't escape ill be dead by tonight.
screaming from the rooftops,
and marching in the streets.
a parking lot of running cars
and a place to rest our feet.
taped to 40 ounces,
songs filling up the air.
a pay phone call and alcohol,
and a memory of what was there.
i'm sorry, i forgot that i was sleeping.
i must have dreamt that i was awake.
we're wasting time because things could be better,
we're not alone but we're not together.
tell me you love me, now say goodbye.
good things happen to bad people,
good people just die.
imperfection lies outside my window pane.
uncontrollable movement
stops you dead in your tracks,
get up, brush it off, move on.
I've got these great ideas and visions,
& I got a little time.
now all I need is the path
and a little spine.
the city never sleeps,
but i'm too tired to keep up.
today I reread your letter,
cover to cover.
finish to start.
I know every word by word by heart.
I got 3 years and an attitude,
I got this scribbled design
and I got pictures of you.
I got everything that I could ask for,
but I want more.
and I love how you run to me in the middle of the night
and I love how you pretend not to care
but you're not afraid to fight.
and I love everything.
we never lost our touch.
beautiful. yeah, just like a car crash.
diamond eyes, these skies of red and blue
serve only as a reminder, of memories with you.
as my footprints wash away,
I watch your hair in this gentle breeze,
your 6000 miles away but your face is still
the only thing I see.
tonight ill sleep with you through phone lines,
talking digitally.
fondling dreams of our kiss and our memories.
and ill say, please stay awake another hour,
we're no longer just a drive from flo to flower.
every minute brings a future, and come what may,
but I swear that ill love you, every single day.
here's a prescription,
ill write you therapeutic pain killers.
all old stuff.
some edited to sound better.
others had parts taken out.
a few were about specific ex's,
but no matter.
i think that brings me almost completely
up to date,
which means anything from here on out,
is new.
theres lots more old stuff, but i dont think i'm going to put it up.
by the way,
some of these things are song excerpts,
some of them are poems,
or just plain essays.
some are just shit that came out of my head.
just wanted to clear that up.
okay, good.
until the next,
take it easyyy.
make them spell out your name,
build cities around you,
sing songs of your fame.
in my eyes you're a goddess,
in my eyes you're a queen,
in my eyes you're the champion,
you're the girl of my dreams.
all the friends you thought you knew,
well they don't know you anymore.
and they never really even left,
they never said goodbye.
your loved ones are lost ones,
and fake ones,
and no ones.
they never knew what you could do,
they never cared to try.
because were all out watching our own necks,
were all just trying to get by.
but we are the only friends we have,
and this ill show you.
all those people you swore you loved,
will leave you.
and everybody eventually dies alone,
but you'll never be alone in my eyes.
I'm going mentally insane just to save my own life now,
I'd rather make a friend then spill all my guts out,
cause that's just the way I am.
so remove your insides, hold them tightly,
tell me what you like about me.
I'm the one you've always wanted.
way to gone, for you to find me,
5 towns later & I'm feelin' mighty,
I'm the one your mother told you to stay away from.
we have been waiting for
we have been waiting for this
our whole lives
so why does it feel like all the best times, are over?
bring me back, bring me back.
no let me stay.
this is here, this is now this is where I belong.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back in ourselves.
lets win this rack, lets win this game with ourselves.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back for ourselves.
lets bring this back,
lets bring this back for our new kind.
we are the kids, that time just left out.
we were the kids, your parents told you all about.
we are the kids, that still have tomorrow.
we are still kids, so break the norm,
were flyin' solo.
i will give you a penny,
for every bad word that i say,
and i'll give you a minute,
for every second i'm away.
you're the light in my life,
the wind in my hair,
you're the tingle in my fingers,
and the music in the air.
you've got it coming from all the right faces,
in all the wrong places.
she lives on devonshire,
i live in my own little world.
this is not the way its supposed to be,
in the hands of a man,
not a mercenary.
I've got to stop this,
I've got a plan.
& this is not a question,
its a matter of course.
can you, can you,
come over some time around two,
whatever's good for you, whenever's good for you.
cuz, I've been waiting around all of my days thinking,
somethings, well some things never change
and you know that its true,
all your friends they do too.
don't kid yourself sweetie,
its only us two.
my body's
not at rest
without you.
& i've missed your hair
(when it's everywhere, it's everywhere.)
i miss being so wrecked
& crawling up your stairs,
to your bedroom where our clothes are shed.
oh, you are the best at what you do.
i miss your excuses for the truth.
& i miss mixes made for making out.
but what i really miss is you calling me out.
i miss you singing low beneath your breath.
i miss your fingernails across my chest.
i miss how smooth your skin feels in my hands.
i miss sweating until the sheets are wet.
i miss the mistakes you made along the way
that always brought you back to me.
well I am so tired, but I never sleep,
my body is hungry, but my mouth just won't eat.
your body's a weapon, and I'm locked in your sight,
and if I don't escape ill be dead by tonight.
screaming from the rooftops,
and marching in the streets.
a parking lot of running cars
and a place to rest our feet.
taped to 40 ounces,
songs filling up the air.
a pay phone call and alcohol,
and a memory of what was there.
i'm sorry, i forgot that i was sleeping.
i must have dreamt that i was awake.
we're wasting time because things could be better,
we're not alone but we're not together.
tell me you love me, now say goodbye.
good things happen to bad people,
good people just die.
imperfection lies outside my window pane.
uncontrollable movement
stops you dead in your tracks,
get up, brush it off, move on.
I've got these great ideas and visions,
& I got a little time.
now all I need is the path
and a little spine.
the city never sleeps,
but i'm too tired to keep up.
today I reread your letter,
cover to cover.
finish to start.
I know every word by word by heart.
I got 3 years and an attitude,
I got this scribbled design
and I got pictures of you.
I got everything that I could ask for,
but I want more.
and I love how you run to me in the middle of the night
and I love how you pretend not to care
but you're not afraid to fight.
and I love everything.
we never lost our touch.
beautiful. yeah, just like a car crash.
diamond eyes, these skies of red and blue
serve only as a reminder, of memories with you.
as my footprints wash away,
I watch your hair in this gentle breeze,
your 6000 miles away but your face is still
the only thing I see.
tonight ill sleep with you through phone lines,
talking digitally.
fondling dreams of our kiss and our memories.
and ill say, please stay awake another hour,
we're no longer just a drive from flo to flower.
every minute brings a future, and come what may,
but I swear that ill love you, every single day.
here's a prescription,
ill write you therapeutic pain killers.
all old stuff.
some edited to sound better.
others had parts taken out.
a few were about specific ex's,
but no matter.
i think that brings me almost completely
up to date,
which means anything from here on out,
is new.
theres lots more old stuff, but i dont think i'm going to put it up.
by the way,
some of these things are song excerpts,
some of them are poems,
or just plain essays.
some are just shit that came out of my head.
just wanted to clear that up.
okay, good.
until the next,
take it easyyy.
there's no 'us' in this.
and that thing that you keep hidden,
the prize that you've been given,
well its time you stand
and show it to the world.
see lately I've got this problem with making sense,
and falling in love
and stupid nonsense.
see, I want to enjoy it and I want to live,
and I want to love you, only you.
but won't you let me?
open this door,
and I know that we've been here a time before,
but don't leave like all of this meant nothing.
we are young and alive
and without compromise
lets love like its in our blood.
if its meant to be for you and me,
then who cares if its misunderstood?
its about you and me and not what they see
and I certainly don't give a shit.
a love like this never seemed to exist
so I'm through with everything but it.
because I'd give you my heart,
to detach from my chest if only to watch it bleed,
at least then I would die believing
that I had given you what you need.
what I wanted all along,
turns out I had from the start,
she stood by my side like it was some kind of art,
and so I want you to know that
you can always count on me.
tread on me, when you cannot see,
I will be your eyes, I will be your eyes,
but I won't let you hide, and I won't leave your side,
don't worry baby, just wait and see.
so don't look down below, leave that up to me,
were just killing time, but pretty soon you'll find,
its not cutting ties, or telling lies,
its just a love that most will never know.
black out,
i'm blind,
the summer's point,
is burning time.
but a love that lasts,
forever is golden.
i need a girl from another world,
with a whole new frame of mind.
with the beauty of a supernova,
that leaves the milky way behind.
she sings like the birds,
in the middle of the winter.
who woo wee,
to be a grasshopper,
bouncing up your sleeve.
and its funny to think how,
all these daydreams i had while,
missing you don't seem to mean a thing.
and even when I got the whole world in my pocket,
she still knows how to keep me like a locket,
won't bother with me for a week or two,
then the 'oh look, how cute are you?'
i don't have time to play games,
kick ass, or take names,
but if you want it then you got it,
if you'd do me the same.
24 seven, otherwise its gone,
i'm already overdue,
you've left me running too long.
& if you're single & lonely,
then baby have i got a heart for you..
oh watch me while i sleep,
cuz she is coming.
as i fly up through my dreams,
up through tonight.
i see her creeping in the darkness,
but i cannot see her face,
she's like an angel thats been hidden,
in the deepest, blackest place.
i've found love in an island,
& paradise in the sand.
we sing in rhythms that no one can comprehend,
& we sleep in patterns that no one can understand.
were not the same as we used to be, used to be,
an assassin walks among us.
we used to be, we used to be,
so much more before,
before we were hunted.
some old, some new.
going through the 'kick is taking
a lot longer than expected.
i like these though,
it's a pretty good compilation.
the prize that you've been given,
well its time you stand
and show it to the world.
see lately I've got this problem with making sense,
and falling in love
and stupid nonsense.
see, I want to enjoy it and I want to live,
and I want to love you, only you.
but won't you let me?
open this door,
and I know that we've been here a time before,
but don't leave like all of this meant nothing.
we are young and alive
and without compromise
lets love like its in our blood.
if its meant to be for you and me,
then who cares if its misunderstood?
its about you and me and not what they see
and I certainly don't give a shit.
a love like this never seemed to exist
so I'm through with everything but it.
because I'd give you my heart,
to detach from my chest if only to watch it bleed,
at least then I would die believing
that I had given you what you need.
what I wanted all along,
turns out I had from the start,
she stood by my side like it was some kind of art,
and so I want you to know that
you can always count on me.
tread on me, when you cannot see,
I will be your eyes, I will be your eyes,
but I won't let you hide, and I won't leave your side,
don't worry baby, just wait and see.
so don't look down below, leave that up to me,
were just killing time, but pretty soon you'll find,
its not cutting ties, or telling lies,
its just a love that most will never know.
black out,
i'm blind,
the summer's point,
is burning time.
but a love that lasts,
forever is golden.
i need a girl from another world,
with a whole new frame of mind.
with the beauty of a supernova,
that leaves the milky way behind.
she sings like the birds,
in the middle of the winter.
who woo wee,
to be a grasshopper,
bouncing up your sleeve.
and its funny to think how,
all these daydreams i had while,
missing you don't seem to mean a thing.
and even when I got the whole world in my pocket,
she still knows how to keep me like a locket,
won't bother with me for a week or two,
then the 'oh look, how cute are you?'
i don't have time to play games,
kick ass, or take names,
but if you want it then you got it,
if you'd do me the same.
24 seven, otherwise its gone,
i'm already overdue,
you've left me running too long.
& if you're single & lonely,
then baby have i got a heart for you..
oh watch me while i sleep,
cuz she is coming.
as i fly up through my dreams,
up through tonight.
i see her creeping in the darkness,
but i cannot see her face,
she's like an angel thats been hidden,
in the deepest, blackest place.
i've found love in an island,
& paradise in the sand.
we sing in rhythms that no one can comprehend,
& we sleep in patterns that no one can understand.
were not the same as we used to be, used to be,
an assassin walks among us.
we used to be, we used to be,
so much more before,
before we were hunted.
some old, some new.
going through the 'kick is taking
a lot longer than expected.
i like these though,
it's a pretty good compilation.
conversations.
okay, this is an older one,
but it was never finished so this is it,
with a little more.
not quite sure if its done yet.
i remember what a wise man once told me,
in a nice long talk we had before he passed,
about life and growing up and getting older,
and what's to come, with my future and his past.
he said "you only got one life that you are given,
so best use it cause it's moving fast.
if you feel like givin' up, just please don't give in.
make the best & make it sweet & make it last."
he said "that boy you got,
has a good head on his shoulders,
and some brilliant thoughts running through his brain.
keep him young,
and hold him with pride,
because that kid,
will one day carry out your stride."
well that wise man died one day,
his body couldn't take the fight.
the cancers army had been built up way too strong,
and he floated away into that big bright light.
lost himself to a pair of fried lungs,
from fires he lit himself at night.
a poison smoke he loved,
lead him to a grave,
he dug.
and I miss you jerry,
I wish you were here tonight.
there should be more to that i think,
but i don't want to rush it.
that one means a lot to me.
but it was never finished so this is it,
with a little more.
not quite sure if its done yet.
i remember what a wise man once told me,
in a nice long talk we had before he passed,
about life and growing up and getting older,
and what's to come, with my future and his past.
he said "you only got one life that you are given,
so best use it cause it's moving fast.
if you feel like givin' up, just please don't give in.
make the best & make it sweet & make it last."
he said "that boy you got,
has a good head on his shoulders,
and some brilliant thoughts running through his brain.
keep him young,
and hold him with pride,
because that kid,
will one day carry out your stride."
well that wise man died one day,
his body couldn't take the fight.
the cancers army had been built up way too strong,
and he floated away into that big bright light.
lost himself to a pair of fried lungs,
from fires he lit himself at night.
a poison smoke he loved,
lead him to a grave,
he dug.
and I miss you jerry,
I wish you were here tonight.
there should be more to that i think,
but i don't want to rush it.
that one means a lot to me.
i am an island.
I am all that you've ever wanted,
for one easy payment.
I'm the prize in your cereal,
& the pep in your step.
I am water, land, sun, & sky.
I am everything that you've ever wanted,
& you can have me.
because I love the way you say good morning,
when we wake up after noon,
and the way we race back to my place,
just to stare out at the moon.
because I could lay with you forever,
if I only had the time,
but its like you're always with me,
because you're always on my mind.
see this trail is never-ending,
so there's no need to try and find,
a place to trace a path to follow,
because all the roads know,
where the sun will shine.
another 2 newbs.
almost done moving everything
from the sk
to the computer
so big post coming soon.
that's all for now.
for one easy payment.
I'm the prize in your cereal,
& the pep in your step.
I am water, land, sun, & sky.
I am everything that you've ever wanted,
& you can have me.
because I love the way you say good morning,
when we wake up after noon,
and the way we race back to my place,
just to stare out at the moon.
because I could lay with you forever,
if I only had the time,
but its like you're always with me,
because you're always on my mind.
see this trail is never-ending,
so there's no need to try and find,
a place to trace a path to follow,
because all the roads know,
where the sun will shine.
another 2 newbs.
almost done moving everything
from the sk
to the computer
so big post coming soon.
that's all for now.
these are the thoughts you don't know you think.
this pen is a fountain of symbols.
symbols that have been produced from
the reactions of chemicals and matter inside my brain,
pushed out through the muscles in my fingers,
and out onto the paper, where they will remain untouched.
untouched until your eyes grace them and ultimately comprehend.
but you don't really comprehend it, and its not your fault,
you couldn't.
in a sea of vowels and consonants
and subjections and verbs,
all that you know is waves.
today i woke up,
and i had this like
notion stuck in my head.
it was that
'reclining, is a robot pastime.'
strange.
i'm doing a hugee dump off of all the stuff
thats on my sidekick,
sometime today.
because when i get my new phone,
i'm going to lose it.
so i'm trying to save anything thats worthwhile.
might be a heavy post day.
symbols that have been produced from
the reactions of chemicals and matter inside my brain,
pushed out through the muscles in my fingers,
and out onto the paper, where they will remain untouched.
untouched until your eyes grace them and ultimately comprehend.
but you don't really comprehend it, and its not your fault,
you couldn't.
in a sea of vowels and consonants
and subjections and verbs,
all that you know is waves.
today i woke up,
and i had this like
notion stuck in my head.
it was that
'reclining, is a robot pastime.'
strange.
i'm doing a hugee dump off of all the stuff
thats on my sidekick,
sometime today.
because when i get my new phone,
i'm going to lose it.
so i'm trying to save anything thats worthwhile.
might be a heavy post day.
gut cup.
and in the space between,
life and dreams,
three and four,
you'll find me looking for more.
because that's what I do,
when I fill my meter up,
I do what I have to,
to fill my broken mangled cup.
its like faith in dogma,
or the genocide in sudan,
its not going anywhere,
and its grows as fast as it can.
I live inside of boxes,
I eat outside of life,
I am the holy and the faceless,
both burning deep with strife.
so gimme all you wanted,
and throw away all you need,
and ill teach you the ways of the cheated,
ill teach you of the lies,
and hate,
and greed.
thats kind of a darker one,
but i like it,
it has fire.
tonight was a friend's birthday party.
bp & flip cup.
i played desi.
still found a way up.
check this out,
http://seb.cc/spacializer/
i was driving tonight,
and i held my arm out the window,
and i felt the wind against my hand.
and i dig that.
i think thats all im going to say about that,
for now.
i like
late night sunday/early morning monday
conversations with friends.
because this summer pool gig,
it ain't open on mondays.
so i can relaaaax.
i also like seeing cool pictures tagged.
that makes me smile.
i just realized that
i haven't put any pictures on here yet.
like, anything.
maybe ill start posting.
and if i can get the software for my camera
to load onto the macbook,
and i start taking pictures again,
then ill post those too.
i think i may be starting a new music project up soon.
i spoke to adam about it tonight,
and every time i see him he's better at the guitar.
that would be really tight.
i miss making music.
i haven't even tried to since high school.
the beginning of the past fall semester i played a little bit,
open-mic nights and stuff with a few friends,
but never anything our own,
nor creative.
but i want it to be something fun.
exciting and intricate like experimental,
yet fun like pop-punk,
with 'hey's!' & claps.
and group vocals.
yet classy.
haha, yeah.
i have a million white t-shirts,
yet i can never find more than seven.
they came in 3-packs,
i bought at least 4 to begin with.
and i've bought several packs after.
but i never ever ever
can find more than 7.
and what's worse,
generally 4 or 5 of those,
regular circle necks.
i haven't bought a pack of those in awhile,
because v-necks are my thing.
yet i seem to keep losing more and more v's,
and finding more and more c's.
plain white t-shirts are like lighters.
i just re-read that last part,
& that's a dumb problem i have.
my body craves sleep,
so that's where ill go to.
"all the things one has forgotten
scream for help in dreams."
life and dreams,
three and four,
you'll find me looking for more.
because that's what I do,
when I fill my meter up,
I do what I have to,
to fill my broken mangled cup.
its like faith in dogma,
or the genocide in sudan,
its not going anywhere,
and its grows as fast as it can.
I live inside of boxes,
I eat outside of life,
I am the holy and the faceless,
both burning deep with strife.
so gimme all you wanted,
and throw away all you need,
and ill teach you the ways of the cheated,
ill teach you of the lies,
and hate,
and greed.
thats kind of a darker one,
but i like it,
it has fire.
tonight was a friend's birthday party.
bp & flip cup.
i played desi.
still found a way up.
check this out,
http://seb.cc/spacializer/
i was driving tonight,
and i held my arm out the window,
and i felt the wind against my hand.
and i dig that.
i think thats all im going to say about that,
for now.
i like
late night sunday/early morning monday
conversations with friends.
because this summer pool gig,
it ain't open on mondays.
so i can relaaaax.
i also like seeing cool pictures tagged.
that makes me smile.
i just realized that
i haven't put any pictures on here yet.
like, anything.
maybe ill start posting.
and if i can get the software for my camera
to load onto the macbook,
and i start taking pictures again,
then ill post those too.
i think i may be starting a new music project up soon.
i spoke to adam about it tonight,
and every time i see him he's better at the guitar.
that would be really tight.
i miss making music.
i haven't even tried to since high school.
the beginning of the past fall semester i played a little bit,
open-mic nights and stuff with a few friends,
but never anything our own,
nor creative.
but i want it to be something fun.
exciting and intricate like experimental,
yet fun like pop-punk,
with 'hey's!' & claps.
and group vocals.
yet classy.
haha, yeah.
i have a million white t-shirts,
yet i can never find more than seven.
they came in 3-packs,
i bought at least 4 to begin with.
and i've bought several packs after.
but i never ever ever
can find more than 7.
and what's worse,
generally 4 or 5 of those,
regular circle necks.
i haven't bought a pack of those in awhile,
because v-necks are my thing.
yet i seem to keep losing more and more v's,
and finding more and more c's.
plain white t-shirts are like lighters.
i just re-read that last part,
& that's a dumb problem i have.
my body craves sleep,
so that's where ill go to.
"all the things one has forgotten
scream for help in dreams."
Sunday, July 13, 2008
a midnight dance in halloween town.
hello, i love you.
won't you join me in this dance,
to the rhythm of our heartbeats?
i promise,
i'll never leave your side.
i swear it.
& when i start falling,
won't you fall too?
i couldn't stand to be the only one up here.
after all,
heaven is no paradise without you.
well lets swing & dance in our charade,
in this trance the townspeople call 'love'.
if you light me up, i will inhale,
and fill up my lungs,
with a breath of you.
ill fly by,
on a love high.
don't you know that you're all my stars?
don't you know you're the sun that shines?
because beauty may seem to be all around,
but a rose is just a rose without you.
im thinking about staying in tonight,
working out, then heading to bed early.
might be a nice change of pace,
clear my head out for a minute.
on second thought, i don't do staying in.
i can't wait to get to new paltz though,
when staying in means being surrounded by my closest friends,
just relaxing, and feeling good.
always.
stay up.
won't you join me in this dance,
to the rhythm of our heartbeats?
i promise,
i'll never leave your side.
i swear it.
& when i start falling,
won't you fall too?
i couldn't stand to be the only one up here.
after all,
heaven is no paradise without you.
well lets swing & dance in our charade,
in this trance the townspeople call 'love'.
if you light me up, i will inhale,
and fill up my lungs,
with a breath of you.
ill fly by,
on a love high.
don't you know that you're all my stars?
don't you know you're the sun that shines?
because beauty may seem to be all around,
but a rose is just a rose without you.
im thinking about staying in tonight,
working out, then heading to bed early.
might be a nice change of pace,
clear my head out for a minute.
on second thought, i don't do staying in.
i can't wait to get to new paltz though,
when staying in means being surrounded by my closest friends,
just relaxing, and feeling good.
always.
stay up.
think happy thoughts.
today I got caught up inside a day-dream,
then something stole the air.
that familiar scent of yours,
still lingering somewhere.
so I turned into my pillow,
and I tried to catch a buzz,
something inside recalling,
what I believed true love was.
remember you would hold my hand
through snow-storms,
and we caught leaves as they would fall,
and when the buds came in,
I remember your grin,
yes I was a prisoner,
to the marvel,
of it all.
I find peace in the pulsating bass,
and the wrinkles by your lips,
when a smiles on your face.
see I don't remember last night,
or much of the night before,
but ill never forget your first flight,
and how it made me miss you more.
because I, I am euphoric,
and you are my grandeur,
but you leave just like the phoenix,
and I'm left to watch you soar.
two freshies.
but i need to find my old b-sides.
there was some real good stuff on there.
i'm going to try and upgrade my life,
i need a change of class.
apply for a new parking permit,
somewhere closer to the glass.
ill buy lots of stuff that i don't need,
just because i've got the cash,
and ill buy you some big flashy car,
something a little worse on gas.
and we can get everything we've ever wanted,
yeah, we can be happy.
because we'll have everything we need,
because all that matters is money.
well i wish it were true,
because that i could do,
if that would get me you,
i would do anything.
then something stole the air.
that familiar scent of yours,
still lingering somewhere.
so I turned into my pillow,
and I tried to catch a buzz,
something inside recalling,
what I believed true love was.
remember you would hold my hand
through snow-storms,
and we caught leaves as they would fall,
and when the buds came in,
I remember your grin,
yes I was a prisoner,
to the marvel,
of it all.
I find peace in the pulsating bass,
and the wrinkles by your lips,
when a smiles on your face.
see I don't remember last night,
or much of the night before,
but ill never forget your first flight,
and how it made me miss you more.
because I, I am euphoric,
and you are my grandeur,
but you leave just like the phoenix,
and I'm left to watch you soar.
two freshies.
but i need to find my old b-sides.
there was some real good stuff on there.
i'm going to try and upgrade my life,
i need a change of class.
apply for a new parking permit,
somewhere closer to the glass.
ill buy lots of stuff that i don't need,
just because i've got the cash,
and ill buy you some big flashy car,
something a little worse on gas.
and we can get everything we've ever wanted,
yeah, we can be happy.
because we'll have everything we need,
because all that matters is money.
well i wish it were true,
because that i could do,
if that would get me you,
i would do anything.
for the nights I won't remember...
I'm going to jump around a bit here...
"...sometimes I talk so fast that I can't breathe."
at this point its either sink or swim.
either I will succeed to the fullest extent of the word,
or I will fail miserably--but there is no middle ground for me.
sleeves are my new style.
its a different kind of feeling,
to hate someone that you really care about.
especially when its your mother.
the pain of feeling expelled from the person who spawn you is almost
unbearable.
you see, I've messed up a few times in my day,
but I've never messed up for good.
I bounce back like a grasshopper,
after escaping a spiders web.
but bouncing isn't so easy
when you're dead weight,
in your home.
nothing makes you proud,
nothing makes you special,
you're just the last kid
in an after-school program,
waiting for a ride.
well, I'm sick of standing here.
I think ill go into the shop,
where ill build my own set of wheels,
and ill roll right out to the open road.
because greater things are coming,
I wish you'd just believe,
instead of giving up all the faith,
that you once held in me.
I will not say I'm sorry,
for being who I am,
and if that means you won't forgive me,
well then I don't give a damn,
and ill walk right out on what I've been given,
try to stand real tall alone,
and ill build up upon myself,
a life of cement and stone,
and I won't be broken down,
by every silly pebble,
or every sour word,
I've got my own suit of armor to protect me,
like the feathers of a bird
and when the storm clouds gather round,
ill act as white blood cells to a cut.
and all the feelings that I felt for you,
they'll stay locked up inside my gut.
because I will always love you,
but you've given up on me,
I hope one day you'll turn around,
I guess we'll wait and see.
today is a strange day, but I might be leaving for new paltz sooner than
I expected. I can't stand living at home any longer.
happier updates soon.
my chin is holding high.
kaleidoscope.
i think i'm in love with the idea of being in love.
like how beautiful all the colors in the spectrum are,
but i wouldn't want to be that beautiful.
i don't think i'd want to be colors either.
but i guess thats the beauty in the spectrum,
they're all there.
everything.
i miss being happy on long island.
not that im not happy,
but i mean, when things were good here.
now i've grown up,
moved on.
i'll always love it here.
but i'm not coming back,
for a long,
long,
long time.
to raise a family or something,
i can't deny this place is ideal for children growing up.
but i think it would be more fun to be somewhere else
for the in-between.
moving up to NP in 2 weeks,
for my full-time life.
i can't wait.
the next chapter is opening,
but in a whole new way.
i've been working a lot on some of the designs for dtf inc.
i am so excited.
wolfe & i have been kicking around ideas about it forever,
but once we're both in the apartment
i plan to kick it into full effect.
this year is going to be incredible.
between the job with Red Bull,
& the possible other jobs i have lined up,
i'll finally have some money,
and thats one less thing
i'll have to worry about.
to me, to worry is to waste life.
but im the supreme garbage man.
sitting in a corner,
planning my next step,
careful for all consideration.
they told me when i grew up i'd be weird,
but i didn't know what that meant.
to be cursed with a brain, too extensive for me,
ill constantly plant myself in all different places,
and grow.
i'll sprout the leaves of knowledge,
and spread my twisted roots.
absorb the tests of water,
and bear only the most precious fruits.
i think its time to take a step back.
i think i need a vacation from life.
slip into sleep,
and dream a couple weeks,
and let my imagination run itself crazy.
maybe then ill come out with a better understanding,
maybe then ill come out and ill know how.
i miss watching scrubs.
and laying in the grass,
and kissing underneath the rain,
and all the words we said in vain,
i miss the time when i loved you.
ill see you in a few hours.
like how beautiful all the colors in the spectrum are,
but i wouldn't want to be that beautiful.
i don't think i'd want to be colors either.
but i guess thats the beauty in the spectrum,
they're all there.
everything.
i miss being happy on long island.
not that im not happy,
but i mean, when things were good here.
now i've grown up,
moved on.
i'll always love it here.
but i'm not coming back,
for a long,
long,
long time.
to raise a family or something,
i can't deny this place is ideal for children growing up.
but i think it would be more fun to be somewhere else
for the in-between.
moving up to NP in 2 weeks,
for my full-time life.
i can't wait.
the next chapter is opening,
but in a whole new way.
i've been working a lot on some of the designs for dtf inc.
i am so excited.
wolfe & i have been kicking around ideas about it forever,
but once we're both in the apartment
i plan to kick it into full effect.
this year is going to be incredible.
between the job with Red Bull,
& the possible other jobs i have lined up,
i'll finally have some money,
and thats one less thing
i'll have to worry about.
to me, to worry is to waste life.
but im the supreme garbage man.
sitting in a corner,
planning my next step,
careful for all consideration.
they told me when i grew up i'd be weird,
but i didn't know what that meant.
to be cursed with a brain, too extensive for me,
ill constantly plant myself in all different places,
and grow.
i'll sprout the leaves of knowledge,
and spread my twisted roots.
absorb the tests of water,
and bear only the most precious fruits.
i think its time to take a step back.
i think i need a vacation from life.
slip into sleep,
and dream a couple weeks,
and let my imagination run itself crazy.
maybe then ill come out with a better understanding,
maybe then ill come out and ill know how.
i miss watching scrubs.
and laying in the grass,
and kissing underneath the rain,
and all the words we said in vain,
i miss the time when i loved you.
ill see you in a few hours.
damn the man, save the empire!
"Every book is a childrens book if the kid can read!"
so I just want to start this post by clearing a few things up.
first off, everything I write on here is mine.
unless in quotes (like above) I wrote it.
some of the things are spontaneous,
and some are carefully selected.
some have titles & some don't.
but I'm also using this as a everyday journal.
so things are going to seem a little mixed up,
but take it for what it is.
another day alone in the parents big empty house.
lights, camera, BANG!
a split second action and a lifelong plea.
you move through the surface like nothing.
& push through the seams like a miserable dream.
surreality or fact or falacy,
or the space between the figure and the gun.
hide the truth in lies or create a story in disguise.
just as long as you don't prove me wrong.
it was you, it was always you.
oh bullet, my bullet.
i plead to you tonight.
take this life of vain.
cheating. lies. and pain.
and make this boy whole again.
whole, in pieces on your wall.
my first most cherished piece broke last night,
no idea how.
stupidly lent it to some friends,
now the top is broken on either side.
I'm gunna miss that guy.
he didn't even have a name.
call me sick if i need help.
get the doctor! get the nurse!
call me crazy once i'm gone.
call the priest, the bride, & the church.
pages in books once believed to be true,
burnt up and swept away.
often told the story of me and you,
our rise, our fall, our decay.
it was you, it was always you.
the storm of your life:
moving through the fields with a lack of feeling.
careful not to get hit, but not caring.
watching the strikes, watching your steps.
there is freedom in your seclusion.
there is a shelter in your nothing.
if a prision was this empty,
they would call it a home.
running slowly,
walking fast.
chasing a fate most people would hate,
but one that everyone secretly longs for.
what doesn't kill you,
only makes you
stronger.
alright, time to eat.
I think I'm gunna bust out some of my ol' cooking skills and make a meal.
gotta love sunday mornings.
the dreamer.
"might as well just assume that every move you make, every step you take, every call you place, they'll be watching you. conduct yourself accordingly."
i want to grow up, but not go anywhere.
i want to prove myself, without having to do anything.
i want my own life & my own ideas.
& i want to be free, but not alone.
i want to be happy, but not without feeling.
i want to not worry & not stress.
i want to be brilliant, but not over-think.
i want anything & everything -- & i want it now.
it's funny how we say we need a million things,
but we don't really need any of it.
well i feel like that with the new iPhone.
only i really need it.
pain is something you've become accustomed to.
wicked, but beautiful in the right doses.
you're a goddess with a demons past.
forget the rest and start over with me,
forget all of it, everything. everyone.
but don't forget me.
don't worry, statistics show
the slip-ups and mistakes of our species.
people like them, not us.
we are a people of our own breed.
we are people with corresponding parts,
and pieces.
we are made for each other.
people of our kind don't fail,
we just fall for those of the other breed.
in a world of red-blooded mammals,
cells armed to the teeth,
we are the world without weapons.
no need.
we are a world without difficulty,
without problems.
its the problems and pain held from the previous planet that gets us.
i wont let it get us,
i promise.
i wont let you down,
i could never let you down.
we are not perfect,
but damn close to it.
all i really want to do is hold you,
and give you that warm feeling inside your chest.
and feel you breathing next to me,
and staying up late just to see,
the sunrise.
and knowing that your close to me, is enough to make my heart explode,
and then my veins will burst, as my stomach implodes.
build myself up back together, to be whole again with you.
you are my roller coaster feeling.
like a kid on christmas morning,
i'm amazed by you.
i think thats enough for now.
goodnight world.
i want to grow up, but not go anywhere.
i want to prove myself, without having to do anything.
i want my own life & my own ideas.
& i want to be free, but not alone.
i want to be happy, but not without feeling.
i want to not worry & not stress.
i want to be brilliant, but not over-think.
i want anything & everything -- & i want it now.
it's funny how we say we need a million things,
but we don't really need any of it.
well i feel like that with the new iPhone.
only i really need it.
pain is something you've become accustomed to.
wicked, but beautiful in the right doses.
you're a goddess with a demons past.
forget the rest and start over with me,
forget all of it, everything. everyone.
but don't forget me.
don't worry, statistics show
the slip-ups and mistakes of our species.
people like them, not us.
we are a people of our own breed.
we are people with corresponding parts,
and pieces.
we are made for each other.
people of our kind don't fail,
we just fall for those of the other breed.
in a world of red-blooded mammals,
cells armed to the teeth,
we are the world without weapons.
no need.
we are a world without difficulty,
without problems.
its the problems and pain held from the previous planet that gets us.
i wont let it get us,
i promise.
i wont let you down,
i could never let you down.
we are not perfect,
but damn close to it.
all i really want to do is hold you,
and give you that warm feeling inside your chest.
and feel you breathing next to me,
and staying up late just to see,
the sunrise.
and knowing that your close to me, is enough to make my heart explode,
and then my veins will burst, as my stomach implodes.
build myself up back together, to be whole again with you.
you are my roller coaster feeling.
like a kid on christmas morning,
i'm amazed by you.
i think thats enough for now.
goodnight world.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
a martian sends a postcard home.
Caxtons are mechanical birds with many wings
and some are treasured for their markings--
they cause the eyes to melt
or the body to shriek without pain.
I have never seen one fly, but
sometimes they perch on the hand.
Mist is when the sky is tired of flight
and rests its soft machine on the ground:
then the world is dim and bookish
like engravings under tissue paper.
Rain is when the earth is television.
It has the properites of making colours darker.
Model T is a room with the lock inside --
a key is turned to free the world for movement, so quick there is a film
to watch for anything missed.
But time is tied to the wrist
or kept in a box, ticking with impatience.
In homes, a haunted apparatus sleeps,
that snores when you pick it up.
If the ghost cries, they carry it
to their lips and soothe it to sleep with sounds.
And yet, they wake it up deliberately, by tickling with a finger.
Only the young are allowed to suffer openly.
Adults go to a punishment room
with water but nothing to eat.
They lock the door and suffer the noises alone.
No one is exempt and everyone's pain has a different smell.
at night, when all the colours die,
they hide in pairs
and read about themselves --
in colour, with their eyelids shut.
-- Craig Raine, 1979
this man was brilliant.
and some are treasured for their markings--
they cause the eyes to melt
or the body to shriek without pain.
I have never seen one fly, but
sometimes they perch on the hand.
Mist is when the sky is tired of flight
and rests its soft machine on the ground:
then the world is dim and bookish
like engravings under tissue paper.
Rain is when the earth is television.
It has the properites of making colours darker.
Model T is a room with the lock inside --
a key is turned to free the world for movement, so quick there is a film
to watch for anything missed.
But time is tied to the wrist
or kept in a box, ticking with impatience.
In homes, a haunted apparatus sleeps,
that snores when you pick it up.
If the ghost cries, they carry it
to their lips and soothe it to sleep with sounds.
And yet, they wake it up deliberately, by tickling with a finger.
Only the young are allowed to suffer openly.
Adults go to a punishment room
with water but nothing to eat.
They lock the door and suffer the noises alone.
No one is exempt and everyone's pain has a different smell.
at night, when all the colours die,
they hide in pairs
and read about themselves --
in colour, with their eyelids shut.
-- Craig Raine, 1979
this man was brilliant.
leaving? we're gunna miss you---.
madeline has lifted. I must say, I'm more than impressed.
the guys never cease to amaze me.
so clams & landshark turned into
chicken parm & a keg.
not entirely dissappointed.
its going to be an eventful evening.
onelove.
who we are.
i literally shake when you come close to me.
i realized that i have never felt feelings like i do when you're around.
it's like you're the first girl i've ever kissed,
but that doesn't even matter. it's just you.
i feel the blood moving through my veins.
i can feel my heartbeat in my finger tips.
i can't keep still, but my eyes remain fixed.
i've never had nerves like this before.
she's the apple of my eye,
& she owns a small piece of me.
but she's not mine.
i have it riding around my head like a paperboy,
spreading the news, letting my insides know.
big picture, in color, you on the cover.
but we are only the classiest form of scum.
the religion of the damned.
living each night not for the moment,
but for the high.
we are all addicted to something,
use & abuse.
but our addictions are our lives.
i would never let you fall off,
you're not like that.
we are just all too familiar with what should be a blurry,
crazy mess.
what we know is the reason other people take.
we've found answers to questions we never even thought to ask.
for a piece of yourself you can learn something you never thought imaginable.
we are the influence.
we are the cause & effect.
we are the reason, the meaning.
but can we ever regain ourselves?
have we lost who we were to be who we wanted to for a minute?
or are you still in there somewhere?
innocent. pure. genuine.
love.
i hope one day, someone associates me with Jove. Jove was like, the king of all the Roman gods, similar to Zeus, he was popular for his 'experience with women'. he is Jupiter, our biggest planet. he was the all knowing, the spiritual guider. i like that.
it's just something i've been kicking around. i think that would be an honor.
blunt, case, pizza race tonight. should be interesting.
but for now, clams & landsharks @ the Fredericks.
the guys are playing, (oh, here's the promo spot:
Check out Cloud 9, the freshest music you've ever heard.
for reallllllll. http://www.myspace.com/upstateofmind
I wouldn't lie to you, they happen to be friends of mine,
but the music IS really, really, really good)
it should be a good night.
until next time,
be easy.
i realized that i have never felt feelings like i do when you're around.
it's like you're the first girl i've ever kissed,
but that doesn't even matter. it's just you.
i feel the blood moving through my veins.
i can feel my heartbeat in my finger tips.
i can't keep still, but my eyes remain fixed.
i've never had nerves like this before.
she's the apple of my eye,
& she owns a small piece of me.
but she's not mine.
i have it riding around my head like a paperboy,
spreading the news, letting my insides know.
big picture, in color, you on the cover.
but we are only the classiest form of scum.
the religion of the damned.
living each night not for the moment,
but for the high.
we are all addicted to something,
use & abuse.
but our addictions are our lives.
i would never let you fall off,
you're not like that.
we are just all too familiar with what should be a blurry,
crazy mess.
what we know is the reason other people take.
we've found answers to questions we never even thought to ask.
for a piece of yourself you can learn something you never thought imaginable.
we are the influence.
we are the cause & effect.
we are the reason, the meaning.
but can we ever regain ourselves?
have we lost who we were to be who we wanted to for a minute?
or are you still in there somewhere?
innocent. pure. genuine.
love.
i hope one day, someone associates me with Jove. Jove was like, the king of all the Roman gods, similar to Zeus, he was popular for his 'experience with women'. he is Jupiter, our biggest planet. he was the all knowing, the spiritual guider. i like that.
it's just something i've been kicking around. i think that would be an honor.
blunt, case, pizza race tonight. should be interesting.
but for now, clams & landsharks @ the Fredericks.
the guys are playing, (oh, here's the promo spot:
Check out Cloud 9, the freshest music you've ever heard.
for reallllllll. http://www.myspace.com/upstateofmind
I wouldn't lie to you, they happen to be friends of mine,
but the music IS really, really, really good)
it should be a good night.
until next time,
be easy.
the beginning.
party @ my parents house last night. we were a wreck.
successful night tho, good times with some good friends.
150+ bottles and cans to clean up, and countless other paraphernalia and things of the sort.
this is how i live. i move from one party to the next, one day to another, wandering looking for a good time.
i know where i want to go, i just don't know how to get there,
i know where i want to be, i know who i want to be, i just don't know what i'm doing.
that's not to say that i don't lead an amazing life, because i do.
i have a great job, amazing friends, and a loving family.
i go to a good school, i have my own wonderful automobile.
and i have an apartment up in newp-easy, where i will experience some of the most exciting & insane moments of my life this year.
for 18, i'm really not doing half-bad.
its just a concern of mine, the future.
the complete blindness of what's about to happen is what gets me.
well these will be the after effect, this is where i will spill all.
i don't think this really makes sense anywhere outside of my head,
but maybe i'll learn something along the way. maybe everyone will.
some of these future posts are just going to be rambles,
some will be well thought out ideas,
others will be stupid wasted thoughts.
but all of them will have meaning.
maybe not at the moment, maybe not for awhile.
but wait for the big picture, wait for the dreams to come to reality.
who knows? i mean, sometimes i even impress myself when i write.
you're never going to know just what you're going to get.
my name is jon, but you can call me whatever you'd like.
ill be your guide through this mixed up journey.
forgive me, my mind works in mysterious ways,
i may touch on some sketchy spots, but nothing is meant to offend or hurt anyone.
i write as my mind wanders, as i live. as you will read.
so welcome, welcome to my blog, my life, my universe.
i hope you enjoy what i have to say, i hope it sparks interest,
& lights conversations. i hope you enjoy me.
see you soon.
successful night tho, good times with some good friends.
150+ bottles and cans to clean up, and countless other paraphernalia and things of the sort.
this is how i live. i move from one party to the next, one day to another, wandering looking for a good time.
i know where i want to go, i just don't know how to get there,
i know where i want to be, i know who i want to be, i just don't know what i'm doing.
that's not to say that i don't lead an amazing life, because i do.
i have a great job, amazing friends, and a loving family.
i go to a good school, i have my own wonderful automobile.
and i have an apartment up in newp-easy, where i will experience some of the most exciting & insane moments of my life this year.
for 18, i'm really not doing half-bad.
its just a concern of mine, the future.
the complete blindness of what's about to happen is what gets me.
well these will be the after effect, this is where i will spill all.
i don't think this really makes sense anywhere outside of my head,
but maybe i'll learn something along the way. maybe everyone will.
some of these future posts are just going to be rambles,
some will be well thought out ideas,
others will be stupid wasted thoughts.
but all of them will have meaning.
maybe not at the moment, maybe not for awhile.
but wait for the big picture, wait for the dreams to come to reality.
who knows? i mean, sometimes i even impress myself when i write.
you're never going to know just what you're going to get.
my name is jon, but you can call me whatever you'd like.
ill be your guide through this mixed up journey.
forgive me, my mind works in mysterious ways,
i may touch on some sketchy spots, but nothing is meant to offend or hurt anyone.
i write as my mind wanders, as i live. as you will read.
so welcome, welcome to my blog, my life, my universe.
i hope you enjoy what i have to say, i hope it sparks interest,
& lights conversations. i hope you enjoy me.
see you soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
